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Missing penis sparks mob lynching
BBC | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"Police in the south western Nigerian state of Osun say they have embarked on a constant patrol after mobs lynched at least 12 people since last weekend. All the killings occurred after the victims were accused of making people's genital organs disappear." ... "While the sect members were on a house-to-house preaching mission, someone raised an alarm that his penis had disappeared. An angry mob descended on the visiting evangelists and burnt eight of them to death." ... "The lucky ones include a woman who was rescued after a mob put a tyre around her neck and was about to set her ablaze."
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From: theallseeingear [Bavid Dyrden]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 04:53
Reminds me of when I was 5 and my uncle took my nose. "HA!" he said. "I got your nose!" So of course we executed him.
From: krazymissi [krazy missi]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 06:10
theallseeingear:LMAO.You are funny as hell. Maybe the guy had just did steroids with Jose Canseco and Mark Mcgwire.I'm pretty sure he was in Juiced. and of course:666 is a chicken choking retard.
From: donkeyhotey [sir vantes]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 06:39
So this is what happens when Nigerians mix evangelists and penises. Angry mobs, lynchings, people and cars set ablaze. I'm just counting the days 'til this craze takes America by storm!
From: godisintheatm [Through me you pass into the city of woe]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 07:22
I wonder if the penis magically reappeared the next day, like the last time. Christianity can't be the true faith if it's proponents are being butchered on a whim.
From: lollercaust [Lollercaust]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 07:29
Genitals are sinful and an abomination unto Gawd
From: spacedcadet5555 [dick]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 08:13
burning the church people. what a great idea. send the missionaries to their maker.
From: goldamyass [Drucilla]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 08:20
Mr. Sohutu's wife was later quoted as saying, "Not to worry. It happen all de time."
From: cunnilinguist [cazzodurissimo]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 08:37
Why didn't they just ask the accuser to drop his pants?
From: cunnilinguist [cazzodurissimo]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 08:41
mad hatter did you forget to take your meds today?
From: yooyooma [Jamie]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 08:47
Wait a second, my dick just disappeared after I read this....fuck!!
From: cunnilinguist [cazzodurissimo]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 08:50
Yooyooma, not to worry you still have your tongue.
From: biffbaggo [Tripping the Biff]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 10:16
Nobody who plays this kind of game even cares about actual proof. Darn straight that penis reappeared magically the next day. Everyone knows that nothing happened to it in the first place. It's just their codeword for "let's throw a party and burn a few people."
From: boredartist [Rob Johnson]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 10:18
Cant wait for the 419 scams about the lost uncle who lost his penis and left behind $25 million dollars and needs your help in recovering it.
From: lordpakul [Lord Pakul]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 11:44
Hmmmm, The BBC's header says this story is from April 2001. Nevertheless, Genital Retraction Syndrome (GRS), has been reported in various cultures over time: [wikipedia.org] [ucsd.edu]
From: lordpakul [Lord Pakul]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 12:18
Hey! Who stole my dick? Oh. There it is...
From: cunnilinguist [cazzodurissimo]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 12:53
Lordpakul, well I'll be damned, you do learn something new every single day. I have to admit after reading that link I had to reach into my pants to make sure my good old python was still there.
From: lollercaust [Lollercaust]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 13:11
I require young women to check if my penis' are still there
From: cunnilinguist [cazzodurissimo]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 13:13
Wow, you have more than one?
From: piscivore [Michael C. Scott]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 13:22
I love Africa. It's a nonstop satire of itself. Just when you think the Bongonians can't possibly get any dumber, something like this hits the news. I haven't laughed this hard at Africa since a tribe of missing links there filed a lawsuit against NASA for landing a probe on Mars, which they said they own. These are the turd-colored folks who claim to have invented the helicopter and built the pyramids after they were forced to leave Atlantis. Booga booga.
From: lordpakul [Lord Pakul]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 13:50
Exposed to New Cultures? -- (Shield your eyes, Hortense; I can't imagine this one going missing.) [boners.com]
From: mcgyver [Steve]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 13:54
I believe the sect leader's name is John Wayne Bobbit.
From: theit [theit]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 14:17
Next time those religious fanatics walk into my neighborhood destributing flyer, I think I know what to say.
From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 14:47
So the next time those people in the white shirts come a calling, just run up & down the block, claiming that they stole your dick. The angry hordes will descend upon them...WTF am I missing here? Oh yeah, I forgot, it's Nigeria, land of the letters. I posted one on the "Eat Your Money" thread, check it out, if you have never gotten one, it's quite a hoot.
From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 15:13
Oh OK, here is the letter, it really is a hoot. I get several of these every day. Usually I delete them without looking at them. Dear Good friend. I don,t really know who you are ,but peace be unto you as you read this letter. My Instinct tells me that I can trust you by my proposition.I got your contact through internet directory and My Instinct directed me to send this money to you. I am a widow and a devoted christian, my name is MRS JULIAN DOUGLAS from UNITED KINGDOM. Since my husband died ,I have been suffering from arthritics and lately doctors have diagonised me with terminal cancer which left me with approximately twelve months to live. I am currently on wheelchair and being looked after by a nurse and some of my late husband ,s relatives in turns.Before my husband died,he left some money to the tone of USD$4,800,000,00(Four million ,eight hundred thousand dollars)and he made me promised him that it should be used for humanitarian work,because we have no children and he does n,t want his brothers to lay hand on it,since they don’t believe in God, they have a different vision. This money is currently in a vault with a security company/bank in EUROPE. If you will promise me that you will use this money to achieve the wish of my husband and me,then I will instruct the security company/bank to release the content of the vault in your name. Reply me through my email address;mrs_julian_d@yahoo.com for us to discuss so that you can go and claim this money before i die. May God bless you as you walk in the light and glory. Thank you. Yours in Vineyard MRS JULIAN DOUGLAS
From: stingeykitty [Kitty]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 15:54
My penis disappeared a year ago. . .*sigh* Just kidding, I divorced the bastard and sent his ass packing!
From: piscivore [Michael C. Scott]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 16:38
Good story about the astrologist. One crazy floon suing NASA for vandalizing a comet isn't as funny as an entire tribe claiming they own Mars, though. It'd be cool if we taught the bitch a lesson by blowing the next comet up with a hydrogen bomb. While they're at it, NASA could equip a few rockets with a payload of powdered carbon and use them to draw an enormous swastika on the moon. The bed-wetting classes would become very upset, and that alone would justify the expense.
From: tsentsen [tsentsen]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 16:38
popo...you evil bastid! Ya stole me post!
From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 17:34
What an amazing thing we have witnessed, the morphing of the Nigerian dickless, into Martian Real Estate. Only on rotten, lol.
From: sirbutlust
[mike duff]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 17:44
one night in college, while drinking jack daniels i noticed my penis dissappeared. i found it though, it was inside a fat chic, it was very upsetting.
From: dragon [DrunkenTigerStonedDragon]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 18:54
The next day Zimbubu found his penis sitting in a drawer. Oops he thought, "It didn't disappear after all. I just misplaced it."
From: julezeebub [jules]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 19:26
You did it again Lord Pakul. I never heard of that one before. I loved the use of the term "penis panics". Between the story and your link, my evil inner imp is giggling maniacally.
From: wulfgartheblack [Wulfgar the Black]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 21:06
She made mine into a newt. Well. It got better.
From: piscivore [Michael C. Scott]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 21:20
Lest one gather from this mass penis panic the impression that Africans are obsessed only with sex, another story that appeared here a year ago was the case of the Nigerian police station that was holding a yam in protective custody. It seems the yam had been a little boy who'd had a bad enounter with a witch. Someone found the yam, brought it to the police station, and explained what had happened. The police held the yam in the hope that the witch could be found and forced to turn it back into a boy. They're not obsessed entirely with sex. They're also obsessed with magic.
From: mcgyver [Steve]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 21:34
Q: what is the name of that horrible piece of skin on the end of my penis? A: My Wife 
From: bloominonion [Bloomin Onion]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 22:30
Probably some teen kids stole his penis. They are likely just gonna take it for a joy ride and he'll get it back in a few hours.
From: totenhawk [Totenhawk]
Date: 25-Oct-2005 23:16
I heard from HUTU news , The POOR SOUL who lost his Penis was [ KingWaterFront] LOL you allways were a Bitch Rich. lol
From: useless2society [Useless II Society]
Date: 26-Oct-2005 00:29
We're dealing with Black Men here. They all have Ali-G size penises. Find one of those and you have enough kielbasa to feed 12 kids for a month.
From: capsulecorpjx [Eat at Chang's]
Date: 26-Oct-2005 00:52
I'm sure black americans are burying their faces in shame at their cousins across the pond.
From: mingemeister [Dick DeGirth]
Date: 26-Oct-2005 19:52
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. [background singing begins: "detachable penis" over and over] This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis. ~ King Missile~ See there was a simple explanation.
From: mingemeister [Dick DeGirth]
Date: 26-Oct-2005 20:00
And BTW Africans are nothing like black Americans. they lack the advantages of a selective breeding program. They are small,clumsy, skinny, can swim, and not particularly athletic, and except for marathons, are slow. Oh yeah they are intelligent for the most part, Once they can get to a school. The big dongs are part of the breeding program, so Massa's wife could have fun as well.
From: piscivore [Michael C. Scott]
Date: 27-Oct-2005 02:37
Afrifan oogaboogas a lot dumber. Subhuman-Americans have an average IQ of 85. In Equatorial Guinea, the locals have an average IQ of 59. They're the dumbest "people" on the planet. Ook ook.
Updated: 31-Oct-2005 00:32
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