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Giant lizard interrupts potty training
Australian Broadcasting | Submitted by: anonymous
"The boy's mother discovered the 75-centimetre tegu lizard, a variety from South America, as she helped her three-year-old use the toilet, the Bergen aquarium in western Norway says. The black, yellow-banded lizard weighed 1.5 kilograms [about 3.3 lbs]." ... "The lizard, which can hold its breath for up to half-an-hour, is thought to have escaped from a private importer despite the fact that bringing the species into Norway is against the law."
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From: keysersoze [Keyser]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 04:09
Cunning ploy by the mother to get her toddler to shit. 'Mummy, i can't go plop plop' Well chuck a great big bloody lizard in there & he'll shit for England. Quality!
From: conspiracy
[Theory]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 04:38
An Open Letter to richardcranium [Phil McCracken] I'm not sure why you think that I use LOL ... because I don't. And I don't think anyone who uses that is gay or female or fat , as you stated. Read my posts , only time LOL was used ( by me )was to tell you , that I don't use it. If I think something is funny , I still know how to use the word "funny" ... NEVER LOL ! All is good , I'm very thick skinned. I've said/done some wild ass things while boozed up ( as I'm now semi-retired , even more so). You didn't insult me , because what you thought I said , was never said by me, but some may have been insulted , and the world has enough hurt & hate , don't add to it. Any way ... about the lizard ... I have only one lizard story...... a long time ago .... a few families went out camping ... ( 6/7 I think ...30+ people) Mine was one of them ...... After the lunch .....We had WAY TOO MUCH to drink. I stated ( too loud I guess) that I was gonna "Drain the Lizard" .... I went to a far away tree , pulled the fellow out , and was enjoying the site ( nature) and having a good piss ... when all of a sudden , a little girl voice said " I want to see the lizard" .... I looked to my left , and the little girl voice was coming from a little girl. I turned away , told here to go back to the camp , ... and then I finished what was needed to be finished , without anybody watching. When I got back to the camp , I saw the the little girl & her family ... I was waiting for the worse. All that was said was " I saw his penis , but he didn't have a lizard" Everybody Laughed....... My Lizard Story My Two Cents 
From: lilfunky [swampass]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 04:57
the toilets in norway must be HUGE!
From: groundcrew [GROUND CREW]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 05:46
I've seen "Tegu" Lizards of various sizes at feeding time. These things are the reptile version of pigs! None of this "constrict the prey till it's dead" nonsense, No, These bastards just inhale their prey like a fucking vacuum cleaner while it's still alive! I sure as Hell would have some hesitation about sitting on the toilet again if one of those things popped up and got anywhere near my genitals while taking a shit! Poor kid. Mr. Toilet is supposed to be your friend. LOL!
From: boredartist [Rob Johnson]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 05:47
That kid will now be using diapers until his mid life crisis. 
From: popo
[insert witticism]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 05:47
If it had had the possibility, I'm sure that it would have planted its teeth in anything that presented itself I can't think of a better reason to wear diapers for the rest of my life. I'll use that as an excuse from here on out. Thank you, rotten!
From: donkeyhotey [sir vantes]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 05:59
Sheesh, last week it was pythons, this week it's lizards. What next - a fucking Giant Galapagos Tortoise?
From: theallseeingear [Bavid Dyrden]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 06:20
The planet's rare species are not really going extinct - they are simply migrating into toilets.
From: donkeyhotey [sir vantes]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 06:24
Ahhhh, so that was a DoDo in my doodoo?
From: thumsum [Giv' em some thumb]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 07:05
how on earth does a smuggler misplace a 75cm lizard? Oh, and Theory, Love the stories, keep um' coming! (In work today i was chatting to an older Rolls Royce rep. He took the Rolls to Dean Martin that Frank Sinatra set on fire AND the Rolls that the Chairman of the Board drove through a wall! Cool)
From: lordpakul [Lord Pakul]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 09:30
"Mommy, it's poopzilla!" Poor kid; now, many years of psychotherapy lie ahead. There are several kinds of Tegus: [markmlucas.com] Here is a good photo of a Gold Tegu ( tupinambis teguixin). 
From: richardcranium
[Phil McCracken]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 10:16
To: conspiracy [Theory] Wow - I have no idea what I was talking about or who, for that matter. I tried to look up posts from a few days ago to see what set me off and couldn't find anything. I do hate LOL, but have no clue why I thought you used it all the time. Too much to drink that night, I guess. Anyway - I'm eating my humble pie now.
From: conspiracy
[Theory]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 10:35
I eat humble pie often , it goes well with crow ... all is well...( and I say that as someone who knows from personal experience )
From: lollercaust [Lollercaust]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 10:46
Poor child? What about poor lizard? I put my member in humble pie :D
From: conspiracy
[Theory]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 10:56
From: lollercaust [Lollercaust]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 10:46
Poor child? What about poor lizard?
I put my member in humble pie :D ----------------------------------------- I think I saw that movie ...
From: flayed [Flayed]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 11:03
Hey, my lizard is about 75 centimeters long too, but only when he's real happy.
From: kathleen17 [kathleen17]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 13:22
maybe it wasnt from a private collector....maybe the kid shit it out
From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 15:20
One High Monkey A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! What are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they share a joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is "dry" and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard climbs down the tree, walks thru the jungle to the river and leans over the river to get his drink. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to river bank, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with a monkey in a tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out, and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey you!" The monkey looks down and says, "Duuuuuuuuuude.......how much water did you drink?!" I know, I know ...
From: maidenmaiden
[whatever]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 15:24
I wouldn't be surprised if this kid ends up on CNN in a few years for something really weird- that had to have been damaging... (I look forward to his eventual posts!)
From: tsentsen [tsentsen]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 15:33
I'm trying to picture this. Was this kid already sitting on the pot and then suddenly felt the little tickle of the reptile's tongue flicking in and out of its mouth? Or was the child standing in front of the comode preparing to whizz as the lizard poked its head out of the toilet bottom? Or was the toilet lid originally closed and when mom opened it the lizard popped out like some sort of nightmarish jack in the box. How the heck does an animal from the tropics survive the cold dank drainage system of Norway? Did the lizard make friends with some of the dreaded Norway rats?
From: mongolman [Em Bee]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 17:42
"From: lordpakul [Lord Pakul] Date: 4-Nov-2005 09:30 There are several kinds of Tegus: [markmlucas.com]" One type is the Commode-Oh! Dragon.
From: mingemeister [Dick DeGirth]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 18:28
I often encounter an enormous lizard when I go to the bathroom. I usually end up having to drain him.
From: naeramarth [boredom kills]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 20:25
Well that explains my three year old stepbrat's lack of potty training.
From: lordpakul [Lord Pakul]
Date: 4-Nov-2005 20:54
mongolman, Komodo Dragons are great, especially when they bite off trendy toes: [sfgate.com] 
From: tammy [Live Life Live]
Date: 5-Nov-2005 08:36
My heart goes out to the lizard! There he is one day in a warm cosy aquarium, and the next he is forced into a cold miserable sewer and when he pops his head up he is SCREAMED loudly at! I hope that now he is happy and settled where ever he is, and the swine who imported him will be tracked down and prosecuted!
From: carltons [chris]
Date: 5-Nov-2005 09:43
i wonder if the lizard's nose went right up that persons asshole.
From: carltons [chris]
Date: 5-Nov-2005 09:44
better yet, here is the apropriate title "BOY BUTT-FUCKED BY LIZARD"
From: thumsum [Giv' em some thumb]
Date: 5-Nov-2005 10:46
Sorry(or at least i will be) to tell you this, Chris, Lizards smell things with their tounges...
From: carltons [chris]
Date: 5-Nov-2005 10:57
thumsum yeah but what's you'r point
From: jimbojakkjonsun [john smyth]
Date: 5-Nov-2005 13:19
id smoke a joint with a monkey anyday. not so sure about the croc though
From: qubit
[Entangled]
Date: 5-Nov-2005 13:20
The tegu just dropped it's wedding ring in the toilet and climbed down there to find it. This sort of thing happens ALL THE TIME. Leave it to the liberal Rotten media to use this as an excuse to bash reptiles. And really, who here hasn't had their salad tossed by a giant lizard while potty training? I keep an iguana captive in my toilet for this purpose. The trick is getting one big enough that it can keep itself from getting sucked down after a flush. Oh, and not using harsh chemicals when cleaning the bowl. P.S. This is not Rotten material.
From: thumsum [Giv' em some thumb]
Date: 5-Nov-2005 15:18
uhhhhhhhhhh... maybe that lizards gonna be in line for a promotion?
From: sirbutlust
[mike duff]
Date: 6-Nov-2005 00:05
hmmmmm... should i make weiner jokes perhaps an anaconda joke. no i think ill just write about something else. sirbutlust has spent some time at the bar and has done some thinking. sirbutlust has the privlege of living wiht a female who owns a professional house keepeing company. unfourtantly (if you havent figured it out) sirbutlust lives with a chick. sirbutlust made the mistake of talking to his female roomate the way she talked to him (snotty). sirbutlust once did this with a girlfreind too. everyone told sirbutlust that when women yell we must bow and say yes maam. it is time we men take a stand and make ourselves able to yell back at the women in our lives. why is it they can sass mouth us and we have to bow to them to make everything okay. my 89 year old grandfather does it with my grandmother but yet i think hed just trade 30 years of his life to just once tell her to shut up amd go to hell. and on a side note i got a email from a dating service i forgot i put my profile on and it was from a russain chick who was hotter than hell. upon questioning freinds i found out it is probably a russian exchange bride. iis htis a scam or do i have a chance at landing a chic who doesnt speak much english (whch is my goal in life) please feel free to respond if you had a similar experience otr intelligent response. sirbbutlust thanks you and remember even though the females may get paid less for equal jobs they still have all us men by the balls and if you think other wise they are just playing you and someday WHAM. good luck.
From: jester5150 [jester5150]
Date: 6-Nov-2005 08:56
Sirbutlust has a female "roomate". That means sirbutlust has to deal with her PMS, her bad hair days, and all her female shit...but isn't getting any pussy! Sirbutlust is a fool.
Updated: 10-Nov-2005 04:23
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