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Chimp Linked To Ball Mauling Escapes
Obese Wire Services | Submitted by: Veggie
After biting off a fingertip, authorities forced the toilet-trained chimpanzee into an animal santuary. His family came for birthday visit in 2005, only to be ambushed by two chimps who mauled his face and scrotum before being shot. The family's chimp was moved into a different facility for theatrical training, but has since escaped into the hills. See second story for picture.
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From: gargoyle1
Date: 1-Jul-2008 13:56
If he was human, someone would have blown his ass away. Rotten little fucker. Hope he gets fried in a forest fire or hit by a car, or mauled by a grizzlie
From: doughnutman
[guesswhy]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:00
This guy goes on television to tell the whole world he had his testicles torn off by a chimp. I don't know whether to applaud his "ballsiness" or just laugh at the eunuch. Wife's a trooper.
From: sp00k
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:00
only to be ambushed by two chimps who mauled his face and scrotum before being shot. ===== I only read the headlines but looks like this guy had a bad day. First he was mauled then he was shot?
From: sp00k
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:08
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A 42-year-old chimpanzee who is toilet-trained and can eat with a knife and fork is believed to be at large in a Southern California forest after escaping his cage. ===== Hope they find Moe before he makes it to LA and causes too much trouble  mayor Moe Villaraigosa
From: rixwyfe08 [Alicia Rae]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:09
what happened to dude's nose? is that the chimp's work as well?
From: sp00k
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:12
"He's a very personable, sweet, nice chimp," ===== (When he's not chewing someone's testicles off)
From: rixwyfe08 [Alicia Rae]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:13
oh my bad - I didn't read both articles. by the looks of things - they should be counting their blessings to be rid of the liability!!
From: helterskelter
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:15
Maybe the chimp will find a whiskey still. I don't know the guy, but I do know that I like chimps so I guess I'll root for the fury little guy. Run for the hills! Maybe the guy is a chimp molester. Did he look like Keifer Sutherland in FREEWAY when he was on TV?
From: larry
[larry]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:19
This was one of the first stories I ever read on Rotten. I still want to know, did Moe ever get his birthday cake? :(
From: steviejo2 [Steve]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:31
YAEAH, No Nose, No Nuts, NO FUCKING Brain apparently. aT least they don't have any (human) Children. He may have no Nuts- but he and his wife are definitely NUTS!!
From: jeanrennais
[Jean]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:33
Two less American testicles. Good news. Your ignorance of nature does not only include your denial of global warming but also it seems you are so stupid to think that you can have a chimpanzee as a pet! So stupid.
From: uggh [!]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:45
The chimps nearly killed St. James Davis, chewing off his nose, testicles and foot and biting off chunks of his buttocks and legs, before the sanctuary owner shot the animals to death _________________________ That Monkey sounds like more of a man than his pussy owner. I bet the monkey also humped his wife and she liked it. If I were gov. Schwarzenegger I would evacuate the whole fucking state of California with this ball eating monkey on the lose and cede power to the apes so that my own man berries would be spared.
From: vicmasterblower
[don't mean glass, guys]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:49
This is right near our cottage in the San Bernardino mountains. Cougar will prolly eat him. Or cayote. Tomorrow's headline: Monkey is now lurking and posting on rotten.com. Hahahahha! Which one of you is he?? Fess up!
From: sp00k
Date: 1-Jul-2008 15:03
From: vicmasterblower [don't mean glass, guys] Date: 1-Jul-2008 14:49 This is right near our cottage in the San Bernardino mountains. Cougar will prolly eat him. Or cayote. ==== My money's on the monkey.
From: helterskelter
Date: 1-Jul-2008 15:15
I had a little monkey and I sent him to the country and I fed him on gingerbread along came a choo choo and knocked my monkey koo koo and now my monkey's dead http://youtube.com/watch?v=vaQ9rJYx7a0&feature=related
From: purevenom
Date: 1-Jul-2008 15:18
If this guy had any respect at all, he'd spend the $5.99 on a Mr Potato Head, and cover that open sinus cavity with any of the noses included with the toy. That way people wouldn't have to stare at the ground in disgust when forced to have a conversation with him.
From: zebrabob [zebrabobsgotabigone]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 15:26
After the chimp attack...they got a new cat! 
From: vicmasterblower
[don't mean glass, guys]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 15:30
I goofed and put a monkey comment on the dead preg woman thread. Gee, I can't take myself anywhere! Haha. I prolly should have a monitor all the time, jeez. Actually spook, I would put the money on some the mountain folks; the po' ones eat some pretty strange foods.
From: monolith [Watching over the chimps]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 15:45
Aint no business like monkey business...
From: entityzero
[And one day, suddenly, there it was]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 15:48
Vic, I've was looking at rottenneighbor.com yesterday, mostly to see if I'm listed. Some of the neighbors really are rotten, but somebody was complaining about neighbors who left their trashcans at the curb 24/7. Not exactly what I'd call rotten.
From: crapola
[Quit_Bitchin]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 16:01
That's ok Jean. Maybe Americans will realize that chimpanzees are incredibly complex animals and realize that wild animals cannot be good pets. Perhaps we will finally take pet ownership seriously and then down a notch -- we'll use the french as pets. 
From: undertaker [grimrides]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 16:02
Can none of you read! The apes that mauled St. James were jealous over that attention that Moe was getting and Moe was not involved in the attack. Moe did bite a bit of finger off a reporter but who wouldn't if the finger was pointed at you? Good luck Moe!
From: ferret [Honkey Kong]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 16:21
clearly Moe ran away to enter a career in the adult industry. utlizing the screen name, Mistah Monkeyfuck, he would later receive an AVN award for best beastiality scene.  
From: fuckthedumbshit [sails afloat]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 16:22
All I know is that when chimps mauled MY scrotum I never got over it...
From: fuckthedumbshit [sails afloat]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 16:26
...and they never called :(
From: ciaochowbella
[I didn't do it and I wasn't there when it happened]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 16:37
"He meant the world to us," said St. James Davis. "He was the best man at my wedding." --------------------------- This couple, and especially the man, need lots of chemical restraints and perhaps some electro-convulsive therapy. I think it's a good thing to love your pets, but when you start allowing them to be PART of the major occasions of your life they get big-headed and pretty soon, they chew your nose off.
From: crapola
[Quit_Bitchin]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 17:40
 They hurt his best friend.  He had to hide in the wilderness for his own safety.  His friend is brutally scared forever  But, Moe's back and looking to get even! He's a chimp on the edge!
From: snowwhite [SnowWhite]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 19:01
Maybe if they checked the streets of downtown Bernadino they'd find him hanging with some bros from the hood. Apparently he can use a knife so he's in no more danger than the rest of the monkeys.
From: gargoyle1
Date: 1-Jul-2008 19:31
See, this is why you should have a bonobo instead of a chimp. They just want to fuck all the time.
From: phoenixrising
[out of the ashes...]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 20:19
Here is an article about the attack of St. James Davis. The wife also was attacked and lost her thumb. The husband lost most of his fingers too. Don't blame Mo, he didn't do it. As far as the reporter goes, she was told not to put her hands in the cage or get too near. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/05/23/AR2005052301819.html Mo is kinda cute.  And he did get to eat his birthday cake and drink his favorite chocolate drink, while watching his parents get attacked.
From: mensanator [Slayer of the Mensa]
Date: 1-Jul-2008 21:32
Tomorrow's headline: Monkey is now lurking and posting on rotten.com. Hahahahha! Which one of you is he?? Fess up! ---------------------------------------------------------------- Moe and the rest of the monkeys don't have time for Rotten. They're still trying to crank out all the works of Shakespere. Moe's writing about gouging out some dude's eyeballs, so he must be on King Lear.
From: houseof1mcorpses [(1104N.MissionRoad)]
Date: 2-Jul-2008 04:36
 ...Why?, Just tell me why?  ....BECAUSE!!
From: uggh [!]
Date: 2-Jul-2008 07:50
Can none of you read! The apes that mauled St. James were jealous over that attention that Moe was getting and Moe was not involved in the attack. Moe did bite a bit of finger off a reporter but who wouldn't if the finger was pointed at you? Good luck Moe! ---------------- Fingers are a gateway appendage. When he is chewing off a finger it is kind of cute, but when he moves he starts gobbling your testicles you know he has a problem.
From: 77pump [Beourne Todye]
Date: 2-Jul-2008 08:53
HEart warming and absolutely fucking dipshit monkey-humped retarded. I guess the testicle mauling wasn't neccasarily the Davis's fault, but I'm amazed at these people's idiocy, keeping a fucking primate as an equal. Due to strange circumstances, when I growing up I had the opportunity to hang out with various wild animals, as I was right near a hotel that hosted Jack Hannah and his Colombus Zoo crew when he would come into town to do the late night tv circuit. I got to play with baby tigers, lions, ocelots, monkeys, juvenile bears, boas, etc... The tiger kittens were the best; but the monkeys were mischevious little bastards. I remember two monkeys in particular, though I can't recall the specific type, who would put their hands out as if they wanted to sheke them, and when you would put your close to theirs, they would claw at them and try to snatch them. Little fuckers, they were also diapered, as I imagine they probally like to shit in cereal boxes, etc... I did meet a chimp there once: I got on tha elevator, and there was a handler and a chimp, who was wearing a leopard print bikini brief. the chimp was smiling, and gave me a hug, which kind of creeped me out, him being hairy and all. Lemurs are awesome. The one the zoo had would jump into your arms and hug you, and if you made this strange cooing sound he would go into a trance of sorts and nuzzle you and fall asleep... OK you sick fucks, fire away with the bestiality jokes... but first, tell me: Why are some chimps all black like this moe guy, and why are some sort of, well, 'white' looking?
From: houseof1mcorpses [(1104N.MissionRoad)]
Date: 2-Jul-2008 09:45
From: uggh [!] Date: 2-Jul-2008 07:50 Can none of you read! The apes that mauled St. James were jealous over that attention that Moe was getting and Moe was not involved in the attack. Moe did bite a bit of finger off a reporter but who wouldn't if the finger was pointed at you? ___________ Good luck Moe! Uggh!!
From: scarfface
[Schmutamongus]
Date: 2-Jul-2008 09:46
Some are older than others. The more familiar-looking ones... prettier facial proportions... less dark patches around the jowls... the "Lancelot Link" types -- they're the young ones. As they get older, they get more gorilla-like... everything darkens up, the once huge eyes get beady and recessed... and they get more unpredictable and (stronger). Not a great combination. Here's a 32 year-old Uncle Cecil on chimp strength, and the inhumanity of keeping them as pets. http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_001b.html
From: scarfface
[Schmutamongus]
Date: 2-Jul-2008 09:56
...and here's a puportedly true story of chimp-boxing. It's written by a fantasy writer though... not independently verified. So take that for what it's worth.... http://community.livejournal.com/theinferior4/223621.html
From: sp00k
Date: 2-Jul-2008 10:01
Why would anyone want an animal around that can pull your arms off like a cheap doll?
From: sp00k
Date: 2-Jul-2008 10:06
 Give me the fucking cake or I'll leap up and tear your goddamn balls off.
From: countjulianredux [Comes Julian=Count Julian]
Date: 2-Jul-2008 13:11
The couple, who have no children, broke down in tears at a press conference in Los Angeles. "What am I going to do?" sobbed LaDonna Davis. "He meant the world to us," said St. James Davis. "He was the best man at my wedding." -------------------------------------------- This guy lost his balls, his nose, most of his fingers, and his foot, but he's upset over the fucking monkey? WHAT THE FUCK?
From: seeteufel [ciccio]
Date: 3-Jul-2008 05:48
Fucking idiot deserves to have his balls ripped off. Any grown chimp can make mincemeat out of any guy. They have nail like claws and teeth to match. They are not only wild animals, they are dangerous.
Updated: 3-Jul-2008 05:48
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