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Beware of Squirrel
BBC | Submitted by: Static
"Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report. Passers-by were too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels in a village in the far east, which reportedly lasted about a minute. They are said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh. A pine cone shortage may have led the squirrels to seek other food sources, although scientists are sceptical."
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From: spacedcadet5555 [dick]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 01:59
blame it on the black squirrels. some people hate anything black
From: janedoe [jane]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 02:16
When's the best time to get pregnant? As a black teenager. Thanks Sara Silverman.
From: 2muchfun [Wulfgar the having too much fun]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 02:31
Crack squirrels.
From: brightwood [Bright]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 02:31
I've always heard about the horrors of some of those Russian food lines.  I don't see what is so strange about that. Red squirrels have been known to mob predators. Just because it happened to be a "big" dog, doesn't mean there weren't enough to kill the stray. You just have to wonder if they might have rabies, or if they sensed the dog was weakened by illness, and might have been in the early stages of rabies itself, and now, the squirrels. Something more to worry about.
From: ferret [Honkey Kong]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 02:54
 shame on you rotten.com for running with this story as if only Black squirrels are guilty of such atrocities
From: keysersoze [Keyser]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 03:31
I'll fuck you up goddam commie doggie!! 
From: hurricanefloyd [I was larger than the Florida Panhandle, you know.]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 03:47
Sounds like a squirrel underworld.
From: theallseeingear [Bavid Dyrden]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 04:20
This was a Gary Larson cartoon. Except, he drew an old lady as the victim.
From: poontang [footlong]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 04:23
Maybe somebody fed those little bastards meth pills... Anyhow, it'd be fun target shooting them good fer nuthin black bastards. Wonder if they would rather have fried chikun & watermelon instead.
From: rockspin [Dopeman]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 04:40
Is moose and squirrel? Here's some rats eating a cat, from our friends at ogrish: [ogrish.com]
From: lilfunky [swampass]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 05:25
that one way to clean up those pesky strays AND help the local wildlife.
From: doczzz
[dwarf fusion]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 05:26
Holy shitscraper Dopeman, that is one fucked up video! I hope the black squirrels beat the bum rap. As usual, the 'MAN' is trying to frame them...
From: find [the pussy]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 05:53
Save the black squirrels for the kiddy-fuckers
From: gargoyle1
Date: 2-Dec-2005 05:57
They weren't really hungry, just pissed at the noisy goddamned dog barking at them all the time and decided to kill the bastard. Either that or we have a new Alfred Hitchcock movie, "The Squirrels"
From: antinomianist
[AERDNA]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 06:16
K I've known squirrels are evil for years now! Like 4 yrs ago I was walking home in winter and this squirrel walked right up to me. I was like "awh cute!" and then it ATTACKED! It climbed my legs and started biting! I could hear it and feel it but I wasn't actually hurt because I had jeans and nylons on (-40 people) but he did make holes in my pants. I kicked him off and he lay on his back and me, being very girly and not outdoors-ish whatsoever was like "awh I'm sorry little guy". He promptly flew up for round 2! I totally ran away, like the girl I am, and I looked back and he was diving head first into three foot high snow banks...crazy fucker. About a year later there was a show on Discovery about squirrel attacks and there was a vietnam vet who said it was scarier than when he was shot at (I think that's a bit extreme); and they said people freak because squirrels are notoriously cute and harmless and they can't believe the fuckers are trying to eat them.
From: benzyl [Benyamin Zyl]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 06:25
Isn't this similar to the news item from a few months back about people hiding crack or meth in the park but the squirrels found it first? At least the russian stuff was meant to be derived from diverted industrial chemicals and should be racemic (see also under Pervitin pills).
From: nekoturk [Amy]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 07:43
Did they need to specify "Black" Squirrel?
From: rednecknightmare [dude]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 07:47
About a year later there was a show on Discovery about squirrel attacks and there was a vietnam vet who said it was scarier than when he was shot at - ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Really no so hard to believe that. Charlie did't typically jump out of the bush and try to bite your nuts.
From: rockspin [Dopeman]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 07:57
"Isn't this similar to the news item from a few months back about people hiding crack or meth in the park but the squirrels found it first? At least the russian stuff was meant to be derived from diverted industrial chemicals and should be racemic." Optically, I think cocaine would be uniform optically (be it d or l), in that it's a biologically synthesized molecule. Plants be on that biochem tip for sheezy. And not that I know this but my friend told me that the ephedrine reduction synthesis of methamphetamine gives only one product (d-meth).
From: reader57 [Rotten Reader]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 08:04
Black squirrels. That really conjures up a vision, I can just imagine the squirrels hanging out in the park with their fur died and wearing those "Superfly" hats.
From: popo
[insert witticism]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 08:23
I'm sorry to say that no method attempting to directly reduce (pseudo)ephedrine's hydroxyl group is going to work. You can't expose it to a strong acid, or a weak acid, or sodium borohydride, or even lithium aluminum hydride and expect it to reduce at all. As with the Vick's Inhalers "recipe," you get a lot of SOMETHING, but it ain't d-meth. All you'll be left with is your (pseudo)ephedrine and a bunch of acid, lithium, and/or sodium and lotsa hydrogen gas. This is because the hydroxyl group (the OH in ephedrine) is on a very acidic carbon (the first carbon away from the ring) and a hydroxyl group is very basic. If the hydroxyl were on the second carbon from the ring (the carbon with the amine group, the NH2 or NHCH3), there might be some chance, but it's not and there's not. You're not getting a basic group off an acidic carbon without a fight, and acids, borohydride, and LiAlhydride aren't gonna fight that hard. Making it from ephedrine or pseudoephedrine is possible. The only difference between methamphetamine and (pseudo)ephedrine is that damn alpha-hydroxy group. Reacting your ephedrine with thionyl chloride replaes the OH with Cl to produce N-methyl-alpha-chloroamphetamine as an intermediate. Hydrogenating this product is easy: use lithium aluminum hydride, sodium borohydride, or even hydrogen gas with nickel or platinum metal as a catalyst. The product of this step is N-methylamphetamine and HCl. Evaporate off the water and you have methamphetamine hydrochloride. A surprisingly simple synthesis is possible from the amino acid phenylalanine, which is available at health food stores for about $14 for 100 tablets. Phenylalanine is 2-amino-3-phenylpropanoic acid, which is more or less amphetamine with a COOH where the CH3 should be at the end of the chain. Thionyl chloride will replace the OH with a Cl, which falls off and is replaced by H when you give it lithium aluminum hydride, sodium borohydride, or hydrogen gas and nickel/platinum. If you use hydrogen and metal for that step, you'll have to reduce the carbonyl group with one of the hydrides, so best save time + effort and use them and do both reductions at once. When that carbonyl is reduced, you now have amphetamine. Note that all of these (and probably anything anyone ever comes up with) will give you a mix of d- and l- isomers. The d- is cool, the l- is shit, remember. If you have time, energy, and equipment, you can separate the two and reprocess the l- into d- by oxidizing it and re-aminating it...
From: rockspin [Dopeman]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 08:53
Is that off the old Rhodium mirror?
From: chillywilly [Joe Cool]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 09:31
The squirrels were NOT afraid of a nasty stray dog, but WERE afraid of a couple people? Total BULLSHIT. Squirrels at parks have mostly lost there fear of men due to being fed all the time. The story here is clearly just that - a STORY... and a pretty stupid one as well. Most likely scenario - dog is barking at a couple drunks in the park. One pulls out a knife and guts the thing to shut it up. Cops arrive and ask what the commotion is. The drunks think REALLY hard... and blame it on squirrels. They spend the rest of the night in the drunk tank and local paper prints the "story" as a joke because all the local people get a kick out of the stories the drunks always tell. Stupid American journalists read the story and reprint it as huge breaking news.
From: spreadmycheeks [line up roun' l'block to suck my cock]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 09:33
A red squirrel ruined my Christmas a few years ago. It got in my house and went through my clothes, shredding holes in them. Then it ate my Christmas fudge, then it ruined my 3-lb bag of nuts that I was saving. So make a long painful story short, the bastard tore my clothes, sacked my nuts and then packed my fudge. Pretty aggressive for a furry little guy, but me being the submissive type I just took it like a man.
From: recurvebow
[traditional archer & aspiring biogeography professor]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 09:48
Just doesn't quite sound very plausible. Dog in pathetic shape, starving squirrels, possibly rabid and/or exposed to who-knows-what kind of chemicals... I can see possible attack. There's a really small chance it could've happened, but my guess is that the dog was about to go anyway (either from disease or human actions) and the squirrels got really desperate but not to the point where they'd be unafraid of humans. I hate squirrels, spent some time studying these damned rodents. The ones at the site I had to go to were always begging for food or chewing on equipment. Actually enjoyed watching this hawk catch one of these bastards and eat it. Once I was taking GPS coordinates for some trees and landmarks and I had left my backpack nearby. Next thing I knew, some of those damned rodents raided my lunch (mostly fruits and nuts) and chewed holes in my notebook. I wanted to shoot those little bastards, but unfortunately they're "protected" and that was before I could even reliably shoot a big haystack at 30 feet. Squirrels are just cutesy tree rats with fuzzy tails.
From: kinkykitty [Cora]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 09:50
I've been telling people for years that the squirrels are just waiting to do something. Always watching.... swishing their little tails.... The dog is just a start.. next will be little old women out for their sunday walks... Just wait. I at least can say I saw this coming.
From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 09:59
This story is absolute rubbish. It was thoroughly debunked on cable TV(Countdown). They had all kinds of critters running around awaiting the attack of the squirrels, but the best that the squirrels did was to "attack" a piece of meat hanging from a string. They interviewed the people in the area who also said that the dog attack never happened.
From: shotgunlobomoty [DieScreaming]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 09:59
Goddamn russians. Even the squirrels there are crazy.
From: tsentsen [tsentsen]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 10:01
Commie russkie skwerlz...this reminds my of one of my fave movies 'christmas vacation', after setting up their newly harvested tree a squirrel jumps out and reeks havoc. Total slapstick so stupidly funny its hilarious. *******Mikhail Tiyunov, a scientist in the region, said it was the first he had ever heard of such an attack. While squirrels without sources of protein might attack birds' nests, he said, the idea of them chewing a dog to death was "absurd". "If it really happened, things must be pretty bad in our forests," he added.********* Gee Bullwinkle---ya think?
From: wiegehtesdir [Jimmy Jingo]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 10:19
I'd like to get a bushel of them squirrels.....My neighbor's big mouth, 2 in the morning dog needs to take the "big vacation".
From: seroquel [legion]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 10:22
In the broken-english words of my father... This is the bullshit.
From: krackermaster [Mr. White]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 10:29
popo, I am almost certain that racemic mixtures can be separated using tartaric acid to effectively salt the d out leaving the l racemate. Been a while since I have been in the labs, but I do recall that the paladium and platinum catalysts are quite expensive.
From: lollercaust [Lollercaust]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 10:30
some Squirrels are not to be messed with 
From: popo
[insert witticism]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 10:41
I've never had the urge or necessity to perform this kind of synthesis myself; reading about the chemistry is interesting tho. Basically stick to plant/fungal extracts- isomers and soxhlet-type apparatus with some simple acids and bases and polar/nonpolar solvents. Those plants are amazing chemists.
From: reader57 [Rotten Reader]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 10:47
Isn't it amazing that guys that couldn't get through High School have become such wizards at chemistry? Oh well... Back to those dangerous minority squirrels.
From: popo
[insert witticism]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 11:02
It's funny how much real life can motivate one where high school didn't. Pine cones, eh? Wonder if there's something there worth investigating. Hand me an erlenmeyer flask.
From: bigshlong [EB]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 11:26
Karma Police, arrest this dog it is making too much noise.... (to the tune of RadioHead's Karma Police) I bet if this dog was on the loose, a human would have been the victim. Karma is a bitch, ain't it!!
From: bigshlong [EB]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 11:30
"So make a long painful story short, the bastard tore my clothes, sacked my nuts and then packed my fudge. Pretty aggressive for a furry little guy, but me being the submissive type I just took it like a man." sounds like you need to get laid, fagot!
From: blissfulgirl
[~^-^~]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 11:50
From: nekoturk [Amy]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 07:43
Did they need to specify "Black" Squirrel? Yup they did because that is just 1 specific type of squirrel out of over 200...a couple of others being the gray squirrel or the red squirrel. Where I live we don't have any red squirrels at all and the gray squirrels get really huge (like a small raccoon) but the black squirrels are tiny. At a nearby park there are always people feeding the swans and ducks...the gray squirrels ignore them, but the black squirrels attack the birds to get the the seeds. I've actually seen a black squirrel ride the back of a swan it was attacking right into the water. The thing jumped off about 10 feet from shore and swam back.
From: faqueawf [faque awf]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 13:11
From: spreadmycheeks [line up roun' l'block to suck my cock] Date: 2-Dec-2005 09:33 A red squirrel ruined my Christmas a few years ago. It got in my house and went through my clothes, shredding holes in them. Then it ate my Christmas fudge, then it ruined my 3-lb bag of nuts that I was saving. So make a long painful story short, the bastard tore my clothes, sacked my nuts and then packed my fudge. Pretty aggressive for a furry little guy, but me being the submissive type I just took it like a man. _________________________________________________________________________ great christmas story, and my what a big sac of nuts you have
From: popo
[insert witticism]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 13:20
Swans and geese can be nasty shits as well. Would not surprise me to read a similar article about those fuckers. There are those people with piles of caged and feces-smeared cats and dogs popping up all over- I was wondering we don't see similar stories involving geese or chickens, but then I remembered they're called farms. We don't ever hear about the real wierdos with the cages and cages of black squirrels because nobody who visits their haunts ever returns.
From: piscivore [Michael C. Scott]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 13:27
Remember these are Russian squirrels. They probably had humongous vodka hangovers and decided to shut that noisy goddamned dog up once and for all.
From: spreadmycheeks [line up roun' l'block to suck my cock]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 14:43
Where I live at in downtown Detroit, there are mostly black squirrels for some reason. I have no idea why. They get pretty mean, too.
From: ickyrasta [ILoveJenniferGrey]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 15:12
hmmm i wonder if the squirrels were a part of the russian mafia and the dog was that well know bastard that never pays the mafia and always gives them the runaround. but this littleshit had to talk smack and the squirrel mafia and to "teach him a lesson" or "make an example of im'". rasta!
From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 15:20
From: popo [insert witticism] Date: 2-Dec-2005 13:20 Swans and geese can be nasty shits as well. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Well, maybe not Geese so much, but Swans can be honking bastards. I remember once when I was a city boy kid, out at a lake, where there was a Swan. Thinking that the Swan might like a tidbit, I approached it. Big mistake. The Swan charged at me just a honking away, chased me all around the damn lake. It's a good thing they don't run too fast. Ever since then, I always give Swans a wide berth.
From: hawk3 [tritium]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 15:24
Don't want to come off like Ewell Gibbons, but squirrels don't eat pine cones. They cut and harvest the pine nuts in the spring and early summer. If your out in the woods and watch a tree rat and notice how he gathers his food, he will rub it vigorously (with a circular motion*FZappa). What the squirrel is doing is marking the food with the scent pads on his feet. Later, even under snow the squirrel can find locate the cache of nuts. Amazing, huh? As far as a group of squirrels attacking a dog, NYET. Or, as they say in the Russian marines Bullski Shitski.
From: becouchgrass [danesbong]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 16:55
man I've wanted wanted to kill shit when I haven't had any cones for a while.
From: dragon [DrunkenTigerStonedDragon]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 19:07
From: gunlover [Doug] Date: 2-Dec-2005 03:43 "Hide your nuts!" Oh man and I liked walking around with my pants unzipped with just my nuts hanging out, just so I could hear someone say, "Dude, your balls are showing."
From: static [arking quotes]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 21:44
The damn dog had to crapping a load when all these squirrels started to kick his sorry ass. My first submission, hope everyone enjoyed. PEACE!
From: aulduron
[Aulduron]
Date: 2-Dec-2005 22:43
Well, maybe not Geese so much, but Swans can be honking bastards. I remember once when I was a city boy kid, out at a lake, where there was a Swan. Thinking that the Swan might like a tidbit, I approached it. Big mistake. The Swan charged at me just a honking away, chased me all around the damn lake. It's a good thing they don't run too fast. Ever since then, I always give Swans a wide berth. I give swans a wide berth too since being around geese. Geese are like pit bulls with wings, except without the friendly disposition the pit bulls are known for. I blame Canadians for that too!
From: piscivore [Michael C. Scott]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 08:33
I liked the ogrish.com footage of the cat being eaten by rats. Cats suck. One of my friends has a python. He fed the python on rabbits and then Vietnamese pot bellied pigs. After the pot beellied pig craze had completely died down, people weren't getting rid of the pigs cheap anymore, so he didn't know what to feed the snake. Eventually he started answering newspaper ads for "free cat to good home." He still feeds that snake on free cats. Fuck cats.
From: backuptheholler [Junebug James]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 18:08
There are people around here who also take "free dog to good home" (as well as kidnapping pets out of yards) for "fresh meat" to train their dogs for fighting. All such assholes who take pets for such purposes are just that...assholes. Doesn't matter what type of pet they chose to use. Tell your asshole friend to go to the store and get feeder rodents like other people. Asshole.
From: weghalbert [the_mad_hatter]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 20:41
From: popo [insert witticism] Date: 2-Dec-2005 13:20 Swans and geese can be nasty shits as well. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Well, maybe not Geese so much, but Swans can be honking bastards Geese are mean as shit ,,,just try and fuck with a flock of em,,,I have seen them chase off cats,small dogs and humans,,,,they are a pretty big bird too,,, nasty if pissed...I have had over 20 of them in my back yard looking for things to eat in the grass....I dont fuck with em,,,
From: mikeisgreen
[Mike]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 07:50
From: underchunders [Aloysius] Date: 2-Dec-2005 15:10 you think that's bad, have a read of: [anti-squirrel.com] " ------------------------------------ Thank you so much. that was the most hysterical thing I've read in months!
From: mikeisgreen
[Mike]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 08:44
As an insane Canuck, I have something to reveal to the world: It is all part of a Canadian anti- Soviet Cold War plot. After the Avro Arrow (Google it, a fighter that was 15 years ahead of it's time) was canceled in the late 50's because Prime Minister Diefenbaker had to go to the White House to deliver a standard rimjob, Canada was left without a real way of offering any significant independent resistance to the Soviet Union. A few years later, Dr. Hors D. Tete developed a "juicing" technique to pump soldiers up with the first synthetically produced, and still classified, "hyper steroids". This was tested on rodents before being administered to humans. The results were phenomenal. It was then decided to take a group of test squirrels and see if the could survive a nuclear blast. Te U.S. dept. of energy set up a test shot in Nevada (still classified, but commonly known as the "nutcracker" shot) at the request of the Canadian government. The rimjobs the PM gave to the prez paid off. The test squirrels were sent to Nevada and nuked under the most stringent of Canadian scientific methods. The nuked Canadian Squirrels survived and were pretty upset at the whole thing, so they started killing everyone in sight. The problem was solved, however, when a Canadian physicist intervened. Dr. Doug McKenzie most fortunately had a large supply of beer on hand which was raided by the Canadian SuperSquirrels. Once the squirrels were thoroughly soused, it was explained to them that all evil in the world was the fault of the Soviet Union. Why, If it weren't for those dirty communists, the Canadian SuperSquirrels would still be in the wild, happily playing with their nuts. The Squirrels flew into another 'roid rage and insisted on being tuned loose in the USSR. Dr. McKenzie quickly orchestrated Operation H.o.S.E.R. ( Holy Shit, Eh, Russians!). Upon being let lose in Russia, the SuperSquirrels, over the course of the next 30 years, sabotoged everything and got the Russians really, really drunk.  That, my friends, is how Canada singlehandedly won the Cold War.
From: piscivore [Michael C. Scott]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 20:32
There were some people like that when I was 14 who tried to entice my dog into their car. I was mowing my own lawn and the dog was loose in the yard. He knew to stay in the yard. The fuckheads stopped and tried to get the dog into their car. They got a rock through their windshield. It was a white couple with kids, and a car that didn't even belong in the neighborhood. Anyone stupid enough to get out of that car would have ended up dead. As it turned out, Mr. Fuckhead was smart enough to burn rubber out of there. Gregor and I chased the car for half a block. Cats suck, but dogs don't.
From: piscivore [Michael C. Scott]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 22:46
The Arrow was an absolutely spectacular airplane. Imagine an interceptor looking a bit like a Convair F-106 but with TWO J-75 engines instead of only one.
From: frankbooth [NowItsDark]
Date: 5-Dec-2005 22:22
I saw some references to rabies and thought I'd enlighten yall a bit; it's very rare for squirrels or other small rodents to carry rabies. The disease almost always kills them before they have a chance to spread it.
Updated: 8-Dec-2005 08:19
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