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50 Ways to Kill Your Teacher
AZ Central | Submitted by: azdollarbill
"In classroom journals, two star football players wrote in graphic detail about brutally killing their high school English teacher, covering her in gasoline and lighting her ablaze. But in court papers, they say their teacher told them those entries would never be read, so they should be considered private thoughts, not threats. Scott McKnight, 17, and Sam Smith, 18, were not criminally charged, but were suspended and face expulsion."
Read article... Comments (43)

From: vastarien202 [Simon]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 07:09

I knew those creepy Jock kids would be trouble..now the schools will start to keep them under surveilance and let the Goths go free! ( I wish!)
They'll probably get off with nothing, because they play sports.
Stupid double standard.

From: jessicanjimmie [jessica]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 07:17

i think that if you write about killing someone it should be ok, unless you actually do it or attempt to do it. do writers get in trouble for writing books about killing people...no. but its different when a teen does it there just trying to put a big stereotype on teens these days because they have no lifes. people love to read books about people being killed so why is it only bad when teenagers do it?

From: antinomianist [AERDNA]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 07:23

From: jessicanjimmie [jessica]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 07:17

i think that if you write about killing someone it should be ok, unless you actually do it or attempt to do it. do writers get in trouble for writing books about killing people...
----
I am so with you, lady.

From: ciaochowbella [I didn't do it and I wasn't there when it happened]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 07:29

OH MY GOD!!!! When are we gonna chill a bit???

I remember a little ditty from my school days....
"Row,row,row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Throw your teacher overboard,
Listen to her scream"

If these guys had really meant it, they would be facing a jury, not a schoolboard. Freedom of speech applies to every Americans, not just the grown-ups.

From: marginallawyer [Just Kick My Ass Off This Planet]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 07:52

Censorship! The great ill of our society. I'm surprised the jocks were able to spell. As a former English Professor, I celebrate novel thought and correct use of our wonderful language. Besides, who would ever want to kill an English teacher?

From: lollercaust [Lollercaust]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 08:36

Alert the ThoughtPolice!

From: brainspore [Brainspore]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 08:39

I only hope that the FBI is able to apprehend that horrible Thomas Harris for unleashing Hannibal Lecter on our society.

From: popo [insert witticism]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 08:59

When O when will be rid of this pesky death stuff? It's so inconvenient for everyone. Without it, there'd be no threats or worries about safety or any of that, and we could drive our pearl white esplanades

joyfully around the merry-go-round of god's love forever!

From: richardcranium [Phil McCracken]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 09:01

My High School English teacher made us write at least one page every day in our journals - on whatever we wanted. I told my friends that she never reads them, just glances to see that you've written enough and check-marks it. To prove it, I wrote about how stupid my teacher was - she was crazy, etc. I never got into trouble.

From: krazymissi [krazy missi]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 09:39

Two star football players are the key words. That is why they weren't criminally charged. That is also why they won't be expelled. If they were Goth kids or loners, the headline would have read "Teacher Foils Plans for Columbine Type Violence."

But since they are star football players its just boys will be boys. Slap their wrists and dont put it on their records. Double standards at work.

From: gargoyle1
Date: 3-Dec-2005 09:43

Who hasn't wanted to kill a teacher, shit, I know a few I'd love to have killed, but just because I felt it don't mean I was gonna do it. The only thing these to jock sniffers are guilty of in this case ( who knows what other stupid acts they've commited, being jocks) is putting it to pen and paper. So they're stupid aholes, suspend them and all that. In this modern society we're so scared of EVERYTHING that we can't even speak our minds without fear of reprisals from some Gestapo agent.

From: piscivore [Michael C. Scott]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 10:24

One of my high school friends had to do something like this. I helped him come up with the most disturbing, lacivious, violent, crazed shit we could for this. There were short stories like "Bambi meets the Viet Cong" and "Frozen Freezer Treats" (written in the first person, in which the protagonist keeps a human female pelvis in the freezer and microwaves it each time to heat it up before fucking it.)

Howard ended up being sent to a psychiatrist.

From: scarred4life [not my name]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 10:26

This teacher said she was NOT going to read the boy's private thoughts and should be ashamed of herself for invading their privacy. On the other hand, these jocks were kind of naive to gopher such a bunch of horse crap and I might have to agree with them being expelled for stupidity.

cough cough

From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 11:10

Hey, a miracle, I got two articles posted today, YIPPEE!
They changed my blurb, but what the hey. Actually I liked mine better, especially the part where they glue her to the wall, chop off her feet, & murder her family in front of her. Yup, sounds like my kind of people...NOT, lol.

From: arch [Arch]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 11:34

Thinking back on my high school teachers, all I can remember are a few who I'll love to fuck...

One teacher in particular was my english teacher during grade 10 summer school (not because I failed english, but because I was fast tracking my courses... yes I was a geek, okay?) It was a hot summer and she used to wear white blouses with the top buttons undone.... she must've been a recent grad because she couldn't been older than 25 or 26. I can still see her pretty face, glossed with sweat, resting her elbows on her desk, her open blouse teasing with the possibility of more skin.... oh, please, lean down just a little bit more...

God where is my bible? i gotta trade it in now...

From: backuptheholler [Junebug James]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 12:32

This is why private thoughts should be kept just that. The things I do think.

Ah, school ditties. Here is one from my own youth, handed down from older siblings:
Glory, glory, hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
I met her at the door
With a loaded .44
And she ain't my teacher no more.

From: ciaochowbella [I didn't do it and I wasn't there when it happened]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 12:44

I remember a little ditty we sang with much enthusiasm when I was a young child.

"Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream.
Throw your teacher overboard,
Listen to her scream."

and my mother was a teacher. Folks really need to chill out. Freedom of speech is for everyone--even kids.

From: violetyoshi79 [Jackie]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 13:21

Everyone knows, that jocks will get away with anything scot-free. Who cares, that they show the mental requirements for being a serial killer later in life. Wait until they kill or torture someone, then act as if you had no idea. Pathetic, they don't deserve to live. It's situations like this, that just let future murderers get into society.

I won't be surprised when I hear Scott McKnight and Sam Smith, are up for murder charges. The question isn't if, it's when.

From: robojesus [Cyber Sacrilege]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 13:35

I remember back in middle school (pre-Columbine), one of my friends couldn't come up with anything to write a poem about for one of his assignments. I suggested murder. He went with it and wrote a wonderful verse (sadly I can't remember it) about different methods (knife, noose, etc...) He wasn't very happy with me after he was forced to see the counselor.

Oh, and you guys seem to have forgotten this one.

On top of Old Smokey,
All covered with blood.
I shot my poor teacher,
with an Iraqi scud.

I went to her funeral,
I went to her grave.
Everybody threw flowers,
I threw a grenade.

She got up and chased me,
I thought she was dead.
So I pulled out my shotgun,
And blew off her head.

The cops came and got me,
They took me to jail.
So I grabbed my bazooka,
And blew them to hell.

From: guntotingliberal [GunTotingLiberal]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 13:46

This really isn't a freedom of speech issue. I'm no lawyer but I don't think their rights to express themselves are being hindered here.

The real issue is the way our society is trending towards keeping kids immature. The 18 year old isn't even a child in the eyes of the law and the 17 year old is almost an adult. They should realize the responsibilities being thrust upon them and try to behave more like an adult than a kid at this age. While it might be fun and cool to write like this in your journal it certainly isn't sensible or reasonable. But, for whatever reason, we as a culture like to keep kids younger than is appropriate while giving them more and more mature responsibilities.

If you didn't raise your kids to realize or care to realize, by high school age, that writing a journal entry about murdering your teacher is not a good idea then something is wrong with both the kid and the parents. Actions have consequences - this is a basic lesson in life. Poorly chosen actions have repercussions.

If I had found some 18 year old wrote this about my wife or sister or mother he or she would have some serious fucking repercussions to deal with.

From: stpdrckr420 [Ailise]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 14:19

Yeah... Last I checked it wasn't 1984 anymore...

Anyway... Way #51: superglue her asscheeks and hands to a ceiling fan and duct tape a dental drill in her vagina, and then turn both the drill and the fan on.

From: stpdrckr420 [Ailise]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 14:29

About the freedom of speech thing... Tinker v Des Moines 1969 was a Supreme Court battle in which a boy by the name of Tinker was suspended from school. He and his family were wearing small black armbands to SILENTLY protest the Vietnam War, and he was told he would be suspended until he removed his. He didn't. The ruling was that students do not abandon their rights to freedom of speech at the schoolhouse gates unless what they are doing is significantly and WITH PROOF obstructing the regular schedule of the school day. However, with the Reaganomics overturning many laws giving people freedoms, Tinker was ultimately reversed and remanded, so we don't have those rights anymore. I wish we did, though. Within the next few months I will end up taking my school to court for something similar to the Tinker case, and though it'll likely never see court, I'd be willing to bet it'll get coverage.

I think this story will be a turn for the worse for Goth kids. I love how people stereotype, and then the reverse of the stereotype comes out. Like in my sophomore year, I discovered that a far higher percentage of the jocks and preppy Christian kids were getting pregnant, drunk, high, and killed in various accidents and suicides. Ironic, isn't it?

From: backuptheholler [Junebug James]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 14:36


Oh, and you guys seem to have forgotten this one.
On top of Old Smokey,
All covered with blood.
I shot my poor teacher,
with an Iraqi scud.


Oh, heck, by the time of the first Desert Storm, I'd been out of high school (much less elementary) a couple of decades. This was the version in 60s elementary:
On top of Old Smokey
all covered with sand
I shot my school teacher
with an old rubber band.
I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
For I couldn't miss her
she was forty feet wide.

By junior high (7th & 8th grades only, but now incorporated into the concept of "middle school" with 6th grade), it had become:
On top of Old Smokey
All covered with blood
I shot my school teacher
with a .44 slug.

I don't know what it was with my generation and the .44

From: poontang [footlong]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 16:17

give them boys some eggs and have them throw it at the guy in the earler post...two more fucktards removed

From: mrgrenre [Mr. Gren're]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 16:25

and we could drive our pearl white esplanades

lollllll

From: anubus [kevin]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 16:25

hemm thay should make it into a novel

From: tucanscrew [three's more fun]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 17:48

What is it with high school teachers and journals. I had a senior English teacher who made everyone keep a journal. It was just a way to pry into the lives of the students. Mine was full (and I mean every page) of profanities and complaints. When I wrote that I thought she was a nosy bitch it landed me in the office. I told the principal I only wrote it because she was a nosy bitch and he sent me back to class and excused me from having to keep a journal. When she gave me a C, I caught her at Wal-Mart one day and told her I thought she was a vindictive cunt and it would be best if we just never spoke to one another again. The spineless bitch changed my grade to an A.

And to think, I've only carried that grudge for twenty years.

From: aulduron [Aulduron]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 19:04

Cool headline Az

The problem is all inside the classroom she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to kill your teacher

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to kill your teacher
Fifty ways to kill your teacher

You just stab her in the back, Jack
Hit her with a frying pan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Push her under the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Take of the safety, Lee
And get yourself free

From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 19:22

LOL Auldu, I see that I inspired you to great heights tonight. Cool lyrics.

From: aulduron [Aulduron]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 19:35

Paul Simon was a pretty big influence in my youth, great voice and great lyricist. And Ive changed the lyrics to that some many times its not funny.

From: bongwater [bongwater]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 20:42

This is why I have banned journals in the classroom.

From: piscivore [Michael C. Scott]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 21:57

I love English. After Spanish, it's the best language in the world to swear in. I would never harm an English teacher. I wrote an elegant piece for high school that landed me in deep water - AP English class. I was the worst in the class for a while. The good side to this experience - I was a math, computers and science geek - was that I got to sit next to my girlfriend, who was probably the prettiest smart gal who ever lived.

My AP English teacher regarded me as a burden, just like my calculus teacher. I got in my calculus teacher's good graces by solving an impossible problem. I solved it in archery, and I regard archery and riflery as a Zen thing. The English class taught me a lot, and at first, I didn't think I belonged there. You readers have seen the results of my promotion beyond my class where the English language is concerned. The conditions of my probation include that I may not possess weapons of any sort. I use the English language as one of my chief weapons today.

My AP English teacher - Mrs. Koch - knew me for what I was. She also saw me shoveling snow after school when she high-centered her car. I spent two hours digging her car out. I could have pushed her car off that snowbank today, as I came out of federal prison ridiculuously strong, but I was a skinny teenager at the time. She gave me a "C".

From: deathbox [Pinky]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 04:09

Hahahahahaha......funny americans Haw-haw-haw.
then the Anarchists Cookbook is just a collection of some "private thoughts"
about how to make a bomb, or two....

From: guysmiley [Guy Smiley]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 04:31

I think it was right to take some action against the boys. As a teacher in a high school, I would be uneasy if a student wrote about killing me or one of my peers or students. The sad fact is that such killings have happened at various schools across the world, and people do have a reason to be worried. Based on the available information, I think a suspension from school and from the team is warranted, and depending on the history of the boys, possibly the expulsion as well. As a teacher, I treat my students with respect and try to earn the same in return. I don't go to school to be threatened in any way, or have my safety come into question. Imagine if you went to work, and some co-workers or people you supervise wrote a story about killing you and you got your hands on it. Would it be that easy to laugh if off?

From: splittheatom [Assless]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 07:25

Couldn't find Smith's pic but here's McKnight:


From: tammy [Live Life Live]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 07:57

What they should have done is, make up a name and an imaginary scenario and work from there.
They can't expell or suspend or sack you for writing about imaginary death scenes, or else people like Stephen King and Agatha Christie would not be as popular as they are. Have you read Agatha Christie? The characters don't just die, they suffer revolting agonies, usually in public places, and no one can help them as they gag their way to death.
Anyhow, back to the original point. If you want to write about doing in your boss or schoolmates or teacher, fake it a bit. Then leave it lying around. Even if the target reads it, he or she can't see anything about themselves in what they are reading. Maybe a few wrinkled noses and grimaces at the really nasty parts. Meanwhile, the writer is laughing themselves silently sick at getting away with murder.
I know, for I am always doing it.

From: aulduron [Aulduron]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 11:43

sad fact is that such killings have happened at various schools across the world, and people do have a reason to be worried. Based on the available information, I think a suspension from school and from the team is warranted, and depending on the history of the boys,

Because we all know that having them suspended for doing their homework will lessen their homicidal feelings.

From: melvin69 [John Bong]
Date: 5-Dec-2005 02:26

Hmm, thought I posted here already. Anyway..

If they just wrote killing a teacher then I could see it would not be as big of a deal, but if since they made them about a specific teacher, that would be a big no. When you use someone's name, it can be taken as a death threat. Seeing how teens have murdered before, it would be irresponsible to not do something about it.

From: multianimus [Many-Minded]
Date: 5-Dec-2005 05:53

i was actually in a situation quite similar to this in high school.

we had a sub that day, she was an idiot; didnt know what the hell she was doing. (the same dumb bitch who slapped another student on a separate occasion) so she just told us to write a one-page story while she sat behind the real teachers desk, thumb in ass.

of course, since she was such a bitch, and she knew that everyone considered her such, i went and wrote a story likening her to a demon from hell, which the main character - me - had to dismember and cast back into the fiery depths.

it was actually a pretty good tale. and she knew it was about her. because she was the only bitch bitchy enough to fit the profile. everyone else who read it immediately recognized it as her, too.

i got an a. it kicked ass.

From: tacstar24 [steve]
Date: 5-Dec-2005 06:20

pussy-ass jocks. if they are so tough they should be in a marine recruiters office instead of writing in their journals about violence. what kind of gay-ass shit is that?

From: olrox [Torgo]
Date: 5-Dec-2005 08:18

This country is so ass backwards it makes me sick. I must say that the school systems of today are so full of hipocrites and spineless assholes its not even funny. If those two kids had been "goth" or anything but football players it would have been a red alert to make sure the school wasn't destroyed. I was a freshman in high school when Columbine happened. And as soon as it did, my friend and I were instantly suspect of a similar plot because we were the only 2 kids who liked metal and didnt follow everyone else. I was suspect because I pointed at someone which I guess they thought I meant I had a gun. BECAUSE I POINTED AT SOMEONE! (That seems like major fuckin bullshit to me) My friend had shitty stick drawings in his notebook. That was the reason. Of course out acusers could not be named cause they were too scared. We had to go to psychologists and all this bullshit just cause we were different. (of course I bet it never occured to them that I was too poor to afford guns and explosives, me being the only poor mick in Rye Brook surrounded by Jews and I-talians)Basically, our schools are teaching kids these day to be a conformist and to stamp out individuality.

From: seether [cassie]
Date: 6-Dec-2005 10:09

well if they wanna fine people for have bad thoughts then fine us for having happi ones

From: brightwood [Bright]
Date: 7-Dec-2005 23:11

I have taught many high-school aged kids.

Some of them started off hating my guts.

I have often suggested they write their worst feelings toward me in a journal.

In those journals, I have received numerous death threats of a highly brutal nature.

My response:

I pointed them in the direction of Stephen King and Tom Clancy, and suggested they cultivate those talents.

I would also invite them, individually, to dinner, and to have them bring their parents, where I would recommend that the parents give those kids all the support in those literary directions as they could.

As soon as the parents would ask to see the kids' work that prompted my opinion, I would apologize to the parents, that in the interest of protecting the kids' copyrights, I would allow them to share whatever they wanted to share about those essays.

In every single case, each of those teenagers wound up becoming strong classroom participants.

This teacher, however, was nothing more than a paranoid fraud.

Updated: 9-Dec-2005 10:25
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