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African Road Genie
All Africa | Submitted by: popo
"I have seen many apparitions while driving at night. They are mostly children or naked women crossing the road. This happens near a bridge or during a misty night. But I usually hit or drive through them," says Nyangoro Mong'are, drawing from 20 years driving experience.
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From: ciaochowbella [I didn't do it and I wasn't there when it happened]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 07:40
I've seen naked people on the road while driving at night. They were leaving a party.
From: marginallawyer [Just Kick My Ass Off This Planet]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 08:02
I've heard of people running across the road very fast in Africa. A lion was after them.
From: splittheatom
[Assless]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 08:58
"Those who ignore and ran over them survived. Those who did not died and caused the death of others. I have lost several friends that way". What a wonderful rationale for running people over!
From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 11:24
"I had heard a lot about apparitions and I had been warned by other drivers never to brake or swerve" Yup, just run them down. Somehow I don't think the apparition story would fly here. We must all be vigilant, & be sure to post, if it does happen here.
From: popo
[insert witticism]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 11:45
The whole 'phantom traveler' myth has been around as long as someone's been able to write it down. It's in the bible, too. book of acts, 8:39ish As they traveled along the road, they came to some water and the eunuch said, "Look, here is water. Why shouldn't I be baptized?" And he gave orders to stop the chariot. Then both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water and Philip baptized him. When they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord suddenly took Philip away, and the eunuch did not see him again, but went on his way rejoicing. Rejoice!
From: arch [Arch]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 11:48
Attention GFA fans: Wanna play the game for REAL?
From: wulfgartheblack [Wulfgar the Black]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 13:17
AIDS-induced hallucinations? Fatigue? Drugs? Ignorant superstitious dumbfucks? Why did the African chicken cross the road? Cause it was after some chicken sexsomnia.
From: slamdonkey [fobiopatel.com]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 13:23
stupidest daily rotten article ever.
From: blissfulgirl
[~^-^~]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 13:36
This reminds me of that episode of The Simpson's were Flanders opens Praiseland and everyone has visions due to gas poisoning.
From: whitemans [land]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 13:36
Ahh those wacky negros… and the even wackier negros who published this as news (no offence rotten staff)
From: pontiuspilatus [Pontius Phallus Pilatius]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 14:14
Ah, thanks for the Tom Waits lyrics link, popo. I had the whole collection before I left Europe.
From: backuptheholler [Junebug James]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 14:50
I want some of the same drugs that guy is doing. But I want to see naked men, m'kay?
From: will [william]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 15:47
meh, just another story about superstitious 3rd world denizens... I wasn't even going to read the article until I saw who posted it, figured it might be interesting based on past form. and I was richly rewarded. This is just so fucking funny. Check out the monk at the end pointing out that the apparitions are real demons who occur in areas where there has been human sacrifice... then the reporter asks him if hanging rosaries over the rear-view mirror really works to ward them off, and he says "not really, that's just superstition" ! I wonder what America's drugged-up long-haul truckers see on the roads (but presumably have the good sense not to let on to anyone lest they lose their job!)
From: mrgrenre
[Mr. Gren're]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 16:07
I've definitely hallucinated shit while driving really really reaaalllllly tired. Houses in the middle of the highway, children running ahead of/faster than my car, shapeless, formless people running out and picking the yellow lines. No I'm not crazy, I'm sure plenty of people have had similar experiences
From: poontang [footlong]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 16:21
this boy's cheese done slid off his cracker
From: anubus [kevin]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 16:34
if i hit someone how menn points do i get
From: tucanscrew [three's more fun]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 18:11
A ghost dog ran in front of my car one night. Well, he's a ghost dog now anyway.
From: backuptheholler [Junebug James]
Date: 3-Dec-2005 20:35
Damn, hawk3! My eyes! My eyes! And you sobered me up! If my car hit that, the world would be a better place but my ride would be totaled.
From: spacedcadet5555 [dick]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 02:26
they are called speed creatures, and I have seen them driving long haul. always late at night. mine seem to be white rabbits with red eyes. and I never swerve.
From: loveto [Jill Awf]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 03:47
There are some brilliant lines towards the end of the article. How about, 50 people were killed, there was no blood, a zebra exploded on the front of the bus. Ok, to bleed or not to bleed? But the priest explaining about superstitions is the best. How to avoid seeing phantoms? Not a rosary, just prayer!
From: deathbox [Pinky]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 04:40
There was long period in history, when the human brain was not so domesticated as nowdays ( like the 60's  ) and people hallucinated daily. They said the gods walk amongst them, they saw demons, genies, stuff like that. in brief periods in our life we can experience something familiar. Try not to sleep for 40 hours and you will hallucinate too. The brain will swich back from 1.5 ghz to 5 ghz, enjoy the ride. And i didnt mean in the car!
From: ikthool [ikthool]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 07:33
What do you call an African ghost? A spook.
From: tammy [Live Life Live]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 08:06
You know, I scent some kind of touristy stunt here. After all, if you run into a naked child or woman on the road if they really are there you hit them and make a mess. People with a certain type of mind would love going across there to watch naked women and kids cavorting on a dark road in the light of a headlamp glow. And they will spend money, hire vehicles or hotel space while they go on the hunt. Tourist stunt, that's what it is. Either that, or there are liberal amounts of wacky backy being imbibed. I do feel for the splattered zebra, though.
From: benzyl [Benyamin Zyl]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 12:39
Yeah, I've never heard of long distance truck drivers doing speed for two days to get the load delivered on time and seeing things that might not have been there - even dancing cats.
From: janedoe [jane]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 15:52
Mikeisgreen, how do you grease your ride (seriously)? Because it stops rust so I'm interested. (P.S. this is the stupidest Rotten article ever).
From: mikeisgreen
[Mike]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 16:46
Well, Jane, being the utter and complete juvenile pig that I am, I won't make any jokes about how I grease my ride when I'm bored. My ride is actually a bicycle. Cars downtown Montreal are just a Really Bad Idea. I use the same stuff that is used for rednecked, muddy motocross. Protects a bicycle better than anything. The great thing about a bike in the winter is that with 20 minutes and a good degreaser/cleaner and a bottle brush (yes, for baby bottles) you can get rid of all the crap once a week before it has a chance to do any real damage. Re-apply chain oil, etc. and repeat process every week. This lets me ride through the winter in Montreal without any problems. Studded winter bicycle tires help, too. If you have a car, run over grossly fat people. You may not grease your car too well with that, but if you're doing it in Montreal, you're taking a selfish load off of our public healthcare system. I am a very healthy because I take care of myself, yet I must have paid for several major obesity-related procedures by now. Please come to my town and run over our really fat people. hardcore junkies too. Smokers aren't so bad because we get more tax from tobacco than tobacco costs our system (it's almost $10.00 a pack, most of it tax). And if none of this helps you grease your ride, all I can say is...  Your place or mine?
From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 17:25
"Smokers aren't so bad because we get more tax from tobacco than tobacco costs our system (it's almost $10.00 a pack, most of it tax)." Shit, that's almost as much as MJ used to be back in the day. I gave them up several years ago, now I chew Nicorette all day long. My doctor had to admit that it beat smoking, lol. Here in AZ Circle K sells them for around $3 a pack, but when you add on the sales tax, it comes to almost $4. Some brands are $5. It used to be you could buy a carton from the Indians for $7. Now the state imposed tax effects them as well. New Mexico used to have cheap smokes, don't know if they still do. If I was still smoking, I would be buying them online. That's where I get my Nicorette.
From: hawk3 [tritium]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 18:23
Yeah devolution, patrick swaze, what a dip-shit. Good premise, poor script, even poorer acting. I'm more reminded of the speed freaks from "Love and a .45". Great soundtrack- Reverend Horton Heat.
From: conspiracy
[Theory]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 18:27
From: azdollarbill [Jim Jones]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 17:25
"Smokers aren't so bad because we get more tax from tobacco than tobacco costs our system (it's almost $10.00 a pack, most of it tax)."
Shit, that's almost as much as MJ used to be back in the day. I gave them up several years ago, now I chew Nicorette all day long. My doctor had to admit that it beat smoking, lol. Here in AZ Circle K sells them for around $3 a pack, but when you add on the sales tax, it comes to almost $4. Some brands are $5. It used to be you could buy a carton from the Indians for $7. Now the state imposed tax effects them as well. New Mexico used to have cheap smokes, don't know if they still do. If I was still smoking, I would be buying them online. That's where I get my Nicorette. Yeah ... still cheap ... they have some out at the Casinos for $7.00 a carton . ( people say they taste like cow shit ... I don't know how they know) I don't smoke ... but damn ... thats cheap. MTC
From: pontiuspilatus [Pontius Phallus Pilatius]
Date: 4-Dec-2005 23:55
Hey hawk3 [tritium], Nobody hits food, you moron.
From: mikeisgreen
[Mike]
Date: 5-Dec-2005 01:31
Pontius, where I come from, all roadkill, by definition is food. The best way to get food is to drive. Welcome to Canada. If anyone starts arguing for Arkansas or Tennessee or any U.S. state, we will go head to head with the U.S. in the Redneck games any day. *All Quebec driver's licenses are by definition automotive hunting licenses. *Everything is fixable with duct tape. We even have a show about it ("Red Green" I think it can be seen on PBS). *We drink beer, only beer, and nothing but beer. *In Quebec rural culture, incest is mandatory, and usually voluntary. *We all have shotguns. *There are more assorted hunting guns in Canada than there are Canadians. *My sister was describing at a family dinner, the rabbits in her rural backyard. The children said "aw, cute" to which she responded "fuck that, they're supper". This is common behaviour. *My own brother-in-law sits on his back porch fixed with duct tape, drinking beer, eating beans & maple syrup for breakfast, happily blasting way with his 12 gauge at anything that runs, crawls, hops, or flies (he misses a lot). This too, is common behaviour. *We invented hockey; A game where large men strap steel blades to their feet, hit each other with hooked sticks, and are encouraged to throw their gloves off and bash each other's faces in. (a point of pride is how many missing front teeth) *We have poutine: Very dark, greasy fries, covered liberally in fresh cheddar cheese curds and smothered in brown gravy. (Fuck grits)
From: barghest [buck fush]
Date: 5-Dec-2005 23:19
I've always loved that Canadians bothered to give cheese-fries-with-gravy its own name. If I put some extra stuff on my fries, I have fries with extra stuff on it, not a whole new dish. Us Texans should come up with a special name for chilli fries--'Ackdipoom', maybe. Or maybe we can start calling chilli dogs 'Garnadettes' or something. >>>The brain will swich back from 1.5 ghz to 5 ghz, enjoy the ride.<<< I am intrigued. The fact that you've got the actual voltage ratings leads me to conclude that you've done some research on this topic. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. Sleep deprivation increases the electrical activity in your brain? Sure, why not? Tell me more!
From: mememe [myself]
Date: 6-Dec-2005 04:34
Hey whitemans{land} your a dumb fuck and your comment was stupid. where is whitemans land anyway. Is it some island where hillbillys fuck eachother and goats an such!!! People like you an on the same level as child molesters!!!! You should a get a bullet to the head!!!! Keep your incest caused stupidity to yourself!!!! an stop fuckin your family members please, theres enough dumb people in this world!!!!!!!!!!!
Updated: 9-Dec-2005 10:25
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