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Daddy's Balls
macleans.ca | Submitted by: Mikeisgreen
"The annual Purity Ball is a high point on the social calendar in Colorado Springs, the unofficial headquarters of America's evangelical movement and laboratory of sorts for church-made solutions to all manner of social scourges."
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From: scarfface
[Schmutamongus]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 15:53
The funniest thing is when these brainwashed lemmings leave the nest for the first time. I've seen MANY purity ball attendees become the biggest drugged-out sluts in the front range. They absolutely do not know what to do when the overbearing protections they took for granted inevitably cease.
From: socalbud [SoCalBud]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 15:58
It's still creepy, and would be so awkward. I got along pretty well wih my dad, and he was protective. We never got into the super personal stuff, I guess it was a "don't ask, don't tell" situation. I'm guessing the "burn agains" have just as much pre-maritial sex as the rest, they just have an extra helping of guilt after going through that elaborate,creepy ceremony. good reminder to stay clear of Colorado Springs.
From: gargoyle1
Date: 6-Oct-2007 16:14
Purity ball my ass, just makes me wonder how many have been tapped by daddy. Can't wait'll these naive little twats hit the real world and get fucked silly by some horny guy.
From: hoosierbitch [Isn't it pretty to think so?]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 16:32
Jessica Simpson's Daddy gave her a Purity Ring. Look how well that prepared her for life. What a stinky pile of filth all these ultra-white ultra=male fuckwads are.
From: rotteneggs13
[a bakers dozen]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 16:42
¡Creepy! I cannot imagine having a talk about the birds and bees with my father, YUCK! Yes, keep your kids naive about the real world then wonder why when they become adults they phuck-up.
From: nomdeplume [NomDeGuerre]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 16:45
"Wedding-like purity balls celebrate men as father-protectors" ...and later that night daddy rapes her. Either that or two years on the pure little darling will be Max Hardcore's star du jour.
From: whitewolf [aninta bonghit]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 17:02
not every father thinks like that idiot i think this os a great ritaul fathers need to take a part in protecting thier daughter
From: doesshe
[ever shut up, that DS?]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 17:37
'Writer Eve Ensler criticises Purity Balls for what she sees as the position of inferiority it puts the daughters in: "When you sign a pledge to your father to preserve your virginity, your sexuality is basically being taken away from you until you sign yet another contract, a marital one...It makes you feel like you’re the least important person in the whole equation. It makes you feel invisible."' ---------------------------- I don't consider myself a feminist, but I can see this chick's point.
From: fucktardmama [fook-me]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 17:38
My husband has the "birds and the bees" talk with our 15 year old daughter. He stresses the same thing over and over: "teenaged boys are rotten little shits. Stay away from them." He then reminds her that any boy who doesn't meet his standards will be "taken care of". So far all of the boys who have tried to ask her out have been too afraid of hubbie.
From: noracejusthuman
[Alien From Earth]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 17:43
As the father of three adult daughters...i've found THIS out for sure. If all father's Had their wishes come true for daughters..the race would soon die out, as no male on earth would ever be worthy.
From: abluecommunist
[Red is for republicans, dammit!]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 20:00
Haha, incest gallery. Who the fuck thinks the people fucking in these 'incest' pics are even related? "Hey dad, since you already fuck me in the ass, why not get it on camera and post it online?" "Sure, sweetie, just swallow this last load and I'll get on it."
From: scarfface
[Schmutamongus]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 20:56
Looks like she's either recovering from or getting ready for another herpes outbreak. Either that, or raw skin from shaving "her" stache so many times.
From: static
[arking quotes]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 22:02
Bluecommie/ ABlueCommunist Lives in Garden Grove California. Works at Subway. Supports Ron Paul for President. Libertarian. Great Aunt robbed of $50 worth of costume jewelry before being beat to death with a mini-sledge. Perpetrator got the needle. TSS has access to 'bluecommie' name. From Bgolds profile
From: static
[arking quotes]
Date: 6-Oct-2007 23:02
It's not the accuracy it the thought behind it that is disturbing. Having my thoughts listed from someone else to discern is fascism.
From: neuromanson [Brian OConnell]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 02:24
You know, what makes the article especially retarded, is how it's dated. 10/08/07. It's 10/07/07 right now, fuckdammit! So this article is actually dated one day into the future!
From: neuromanson [Brian OConnell]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 02:38
Perhaps then, in essense, the Christoids are actually PROMOTING the idea of banging their own daughters, much like Job, if they're publishing reports that suggest the idea days in advance of the actual event. Expect the later reports to be about the wife getting the daughters drunk and putting them in bed with daddy.
From: gobsmacked
[Real Wild Church!]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 03:32
These daddies are paying due diligence to their instructions from god. They have to be present when their daughters get bonked for the first time and then they have to inspect the orifice for blood. If the daughter doesn't bleed profusely the father must drag the slut to gates of the city and stone her to death. It's all in the "good book".
From: absintheredux
[Green Death]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 06:11
From: neuromanson [Brian OConnell] Date: 7-Oct-2007 02:38 Perhaps then, in essense, the Christoids are actually PROMOTING the idea of banging their own daughters, much like Job... ____________________________________________ Job had nothing to do with that. The "culprit" was Lot, and, according to most xtian accounts, he was seduced by his daughters. Not necessarily out of wanton prurience, but in order to perpetuate their line, according to the myth. Bad example.
From: ciaochowbella [I didn't do it and I wasn't there when it happened]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 07:02
Girls should spend time with there fathers, no doubt about it, but vowing an oath to remain pure until given in marriage smacks of misogyny. Protecting your daughter can be done in less creepy ways. I remember my first date when I was 16....Allen Lawson.....lord that boy was cute.....he drove 50 miles to pick me up and my father chose that night to clean his guns. All 50 or so guns were spread out around the livingroom. Papa was perfectly pleasant and cordial and when we left, he shook Allen's hand and said, "Have her home by 11:00." Poor Allen was scared shitless......I was home by 10:30. After that, I just met my dates in town.....but they all knew my pop was armed and just might shoot them.
From: rottenaugratin
[Rotten au Gratin]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 08:53
Is this one of those fundie pedo's only things where the daughter pledges to let daddy take her virginity or something? I think it's cute how easily fundies assimilate ancient 'pagan' rites into their little cult and then claim it's all about jebus. These people are 'tards.
From: pontiuspilatus
[Pontius Phallus Pilatius]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 09:12
Androloma, You'll have to answer quickly or wait a week for my response. My GF is waiting, and then it'll be a week of work. I speak, read and write 5 languages now. Many of the American chatters here speak one. 1. Uno. Une. Eine. Do you think it's fair to say that you are a retarded asshole, if you can't even write down the only language you speak? Some foreign asshole can correct you non stop for your spelling? I learned French and German before I learned English. You are degenerated pieces of retarded fuck. "youre could of been" - come on. Is that all the pride you have?
From: pontiuspilatus
[Pontius Phallus Pilatius]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 09:50
Dear Androloma, You know, it almost makes me cry that you will never know the beauty of a French poem, or a German novel. All that power and beauty is ignored by you, for the sake of "Uh I speek englesh suh wot? McDunelds enderstunds meh" I guess you also think pictures are better than paintings.
From: androloma
[the Manchurian Centurion]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 10:02
Oui, all what you say may be true, but I've read (translations) of Dante, Tacitus, Voltaire, Plato, Xenophon, Euripides, Hugo, and a few others. These great authors all translate adequately. And aren't photos and paintings still but only two mediums necessary in order to convey images utilizing our limited senses of a fickle existence, wherein we get but one chance to interact with our fellow humans?  Art for art's sake. Money for God's sake.
From: biffbaggo [Tripping the Biff]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 10:24
A purity ball is where Daddy says "That's MY pussy!"
From: pontiuspilatus
[Pontius Phallus Pilatius]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 10:29
Glad to see that you care about literature. You see, the difference is simple. Languages often represent their cultures. There is no way a French girl could say "I love you" instead of "Je t'aime" - because she'd be a whore if she said it in English. Why do I bother to tell you that ...
From: grindbassist
[Blasting for the devil]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 12:03
The second these sheltered little bitches get a taste of the party life, they'll fall really fuckin' hard. In five years, this cunt will be fucking some guy she doesn't know in a truckstop bathroom for a half-empty bottle of vodka. She's probably gonna resent her parents for not letting her live her own life. Oh and I'm sure that more than one of those dads was fucking his daughter.
From: lastlaugh06 [lester lipspray]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 12:06
When I was young and premarital sex was partially taboo it was a sure thing that the chicks with the overprotective fathers put out. The more you tell somebody not to the more they want to.
From: barbwire [Jump_Rope_With_It]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 12:47
The only thing this will accomplish is the fact that these girls will get really good at blow jobs.
From: ciaochowbella [I didn't do it and I wasn't there when it happened]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 12:55
You may speak five languages, but Spanish isn't one of them, PompousPutoPincha.
From: cuda1179 [Matt]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 14:16
How do you say, "I surrender," in French? How do you say, "Victory," in French? Does the French language even have a word for that?
From: chinnuts
[Got Three For Ya]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 14:56
I'll say this again, Purity balls are a little more than creepy. That said, my solution was to tell my daughter the truth and talk about STD's (PPP you should be even more expert than me), the reality of what is truly on any boys mind, and to make birth control and especially condoms available. The point of telling my daughter these things, ( believe me this wasn't easy, but what is with a teenage girl?) was to remove the taboo and thus the desire to rebel and to keep the dialogue open.
From: tony007
[TonyTheTiger]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 15:04
Speaking 5 languages may be a mark of a great intellect, but the mistake is assuming that someone who dosn't speak other languages lacks the capability to learn. I speak only one language, but thats all I need. As a result of first England then the USA dominating the globe for such a long time, english is the most important language in world commerce. If I needed to speak a second language, I would learn it.
From: 1fatboy [jhancock]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 15:43
English is the language of commerce and Spanish is the language of labor. I speak the former quite well and the latter as much as needed. When did Triple P become King Dick? What a jackass.
From: pontiuspilatus
[Pontius Phallus Pilatius]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 15:50
Tony, that's not the point and not what I said. I'm sure you can learn more languages, but why wait until you actually need it? If you are in the States, I bet speaking Spanish would be a plus. (Yeah I don't speak Spanish, fat ugly cow, but I understand Portuguese, Italian and Spanish. Even though they are not on my list of languages I am fluent in). Traveling and learning other cultures are amazing eye openers.
From: durr [yeah right]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 16:24
The spelling of the name "Khrystian"...is real khryative. What do parents think they are doing here? Yeah, I want my kid to have a boring conservative name but OMG I'm gonna spell it wrong so that she'll always have the pleasure of having to tell people the idiotic spelling and have them know she was borne by retards.
From: crnkybitch
[cranky bitch]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 17:46
Put tact doesn't get you pussy. +++ Shouldn't that be - but tact doesn't get you pussy? Oh well, must of been a mistake. Your entitled to one every now and then. Theirs bad typing moments for all.
From: pontiuspilatus
[Pontius Phallus Pilatius]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 17:58
From: crnkybitch [cranky bitch] Date: 7-Oct-2007 17:46 Put tact doesn't get you pussy. +++ Shouldn't that be - but tact doesn't get you pussy? Oh well, must of been a mistake. Your entitled to one every now and then. Theirs bad typing moments for all. ---------- Yeah, you caught me. And I get all the other puns, too. Adding my favorite hate mistakes into one phrase to inform me that I made a typo. Are you watching me, Cranky?
From: crnkybitch
[cranky bitch]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 18:17
Watching you? You bitch about them incessantly. Some people don't know, some don't care. Either way, your friendly advice... probably not going to matter. But I guess if you enjoy it, keep bitching.
From: 1fatboy [jhancock]
Date: 7-Oct-2007 19:04
Fucking slant-eyed devils. Goddamn yellow peril.
From: special [come back, you pansy!]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 00:14
Holy crap shut up, what a fucking yawn.
From: pontiuspilatus
[Pontius Phallus Pilatius]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 00:47
From: 1fatboy [jhancock] Date: 7-Oct-2007 19:04 Fucking slant-eyed devils. Goddamn yellow peril. ---------------- Yeah, weight watcher. When I was 5 myself I was a little bit like you. I had no idea. I was just less fat, cunt.
From: theallseeingear [Bavid Dyrden]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 01:33
I don't understand. There's clearly a problem here, i.e. teenage boys humping teenage girls irresponsibly etc. So why don't they have a ceremony for the boys? Something to instil the responsibility of owning a penis.. and maybe threatening to cut it off if it's misused. Maybe with those swords. Maybe the mothers could wield the swords. Why must the authority figure in this ceremony be male, and the submissive figure be female?
From: abomonog [Nog]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 04:14
Didn't everybody decide last year that this was the creepiest thing one could possibly do with his daughter and still remain within the law?
From: skyeyez9
[Marie]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 06:24
Imagine yourself as a 15yr old girl, and your dad announced he is going to take you to a purity ball OMFG. I am grateful I had a normal father who did regular guy things like watch football, drink cold beer now and then, fishing, loves to work on cars and not preoccupied w/ his daughter's sexuality.
From: axollot
[sandy]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 06:25
Yea this has been a topic before. It might have been due to an article that showed statisticly these girls have a pre-marital sex rate higher than girls that do *not* pledge "purity". Colorado Springs is also a Mormon Fundamentalist safe haven - although they don't take their daughters to the local school let alone 'purity' balls.
From: skyeyez9
[Marie]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 06:32
I was fluent in 3 languages by the time I was in elementary school. My mom is japanese and dad is american (with Italian immigrant grandparents). My mom knows english, but only spoke to me at home in japanese. My father spoke to my brother and I in english. When you're that young you learn it without trying. My dad's side of the family spoke alot of italian and rarely english in their homes so I picked that up fairly quickly. In my old school starting from kindergarten you are required to pick a foregin language. I chose french all throughout elementary and high school. And german in college. I had trouble with german compared with the other languages. I guess it is because young kids can absorb more information and learn a language faster than an adult. ........................ From: tony007 [TonyTheTiger] Date: 7-Oct-2007 15:04 Speaking 5 languages may be a mark of a great intellect, but the mistake is assuming that someone who dosn't speak other languages lacks the capability to learn. I speak only one language, but thats all I need. As a result of first England then the USA dominating the globe for such a long time, english is the most important language in world commerce. If I needed to speak a second language, I would learn it.
From: ciaochowbella [I didn't do it and I wasn't there when it happened]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 06:35
From: theallseeingear [Bavid Dyrden] Date: 8-Oct-2007 01:33 Why must the authority figure in this ceremony be male, and the submissive figure be female? ------------------------------ Because of masculine insecurity and uterus envy. Men who act so damned possessive of "their" women are not trying to protect the women so much as their own honor. Their need to be able to confidently claim offspring as their own has led to a world of social stricture, oppressive rules and, in some places, mutilation of the female. You can witness more extreme examples of this same behavior all over the world. Honor killings, female genital mutilation, covering womens' faces.....it all goes back to male insecurity and uterus envy.
From: insineratehymn
[Spontaneous Christian Combustion]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 07:35
I'm ever upper class high society God's gift to ballroom notoriety I always fill my ballroom The event is never small The social pages say I've got The biggest balls of all CHORUS: I've got big balls I've got big balls And they're such big balls Dirty big balls And he's got big balls And she's got big balls But we've got the biggest balls of them all And my balls are always bouncing My ballroom always full And everybody cums and cums again If your name is on the guest list No one can take you higher Everybody says I've got Great balls of fire CHORUS Some balls are held for charity And some for fancy dress But when they're held for pleasure They're the balls that I like best My balls are always bouncing To the left and to the right It's my belief that my big balls Should be held every night CHORUS And I'm just itching to tell you about them Oh we had such wonderful fun Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish... Ball sucker AC/DC - 'Big Balls' (1976)
From: scarfface
[Schmutamongus]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 08:21
From: skyeyez9 [Marie] "...My father spoke to my brother and I in english." my brother and ME. ...my brother and ME... Jesus fucking Christ, I hate that.
From: doesshe
[ever shut up, that DS?]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 09:03
From: scarfface [Schmutamongus] Date: 8-Oct-2007 08:21 From: skyeyez9 [Marie] "...My father spoke to my brother and I in english." my brother and ME. ...my brother and ME... Jesus fucking Christ, I hate that. ---------------- Dude, scar, are you a card-carrying member of the local grammar Nazi police on here? If not, I suggest you contact your local drug dealer and smoke (at minimum) a quarter of weed, and relax a bit.
From: scarfface
[Schmutamongus]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 10:26
Been out of weed for quite some time now. Perhaps that's the problem. Or could the problem be that the conversation drifted from purity balls to the benefits of knowing many languages (there are lots), peppered by one of the worst Americanisms to hit the English langauge: affecting high class by the incorrect use of "I". Maybe I can scrape some resin around here somewhere....
From: cuda1179 [Matt]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 10:56
From: axollot [sandy] Date: 8-Oct-2007 06:25 Yea this has been a topic before. It might have been due to an article that showed statisticly these girls have a pre-marital sex rate higher than girls that do *not* pledge "purity". Colorado Springs is also a Mormon Fundamentalist safe haven - although they don't take their daughters to the local school let alone 'purity' balls. axollot, I hate to bring this to your attention, but a more comprehensive study was done this subject. The conclusion was that girls that make the purity vows are just slightly LESS likely to have premarital sex, and with fewer boys. however, they are a lot more likely to admit to it if they do it. That is why the older study was flawed.
From: absintheredux
[Green Death]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 11:09
From: scarfface [Schmutamongus] Date: 8-Oct-2007 10:26 Or could the problem be that the conversation drifted from purity balls to the benefits of knowing many languages (there are lots), peppered by one of the worst Americanisms to hit the English langauge: affecting high class by the incorrect use of "I". __________________________________________ <affecting high class by the incorrect use of "I".> Why would the use of a nominative instead of an object case be an affectation of "high class"? I think that the English "langauge" (sic) will survive.
From: absintheredux
[Green Death]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 11:27
From: cuda1179 [Matt] Date: 8-Oct-2007 10:56 axollot, I hate to bring this to your attention, but a more comprehensive study was done this subject. The conclusion was that girls that make the purity vows are just slightly LESS likely to have premarital sex, and with fewer boys. however, they are a lot more likely to admit to it if they do it. That is why the older study was flawed. _____________________________________ "Unfortunately for dear old high priest dad, purity pledges aren't exactly keeping little Janie from carnal exploration. In March 2006, Byron Weathersbee, a chaplain at Baylor University in Waco, Texas (a school affiliated with the conservative Southern Baptist Convention), conducted a study on the effectiveness of abstinence ed and virginity pledges in Christians. * 100 percent professed faith in Christ * 99 percent attended church * 84 percent grew up in church * 87 percent grew up in a two-parent home * 62 percent of males had premarital sex * 65 percent of females had premarital sex * only 27 percent of fundies surveyed managed to stay completely chaste, not engaging in intercourse or Clintonian "non-sex" acts." (Agape Press, 2006) Even if one can be "slightly less" than 27%, it seems like damning with faint praise.
From: robdeer [Rob G Deer]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 12:38
"In five years, this cunt will be fucking some guy she doesn't know in a truckstop bathroom for a half-empty bottle of vodka." What kind of attitude is that? That bottle's HALF FULL.
From: scarfface
[Schmutamongus]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 13:32
"langauge" (sic)... Greendeath -- you may think our langauge is sic, but I'm proud... PROUD that I know how to speak and write good, let me tell you.
From: niebelung [oregonian]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 14:55
From: noracejusthuman [Alien From Earth] Date: 6-Oct-2007 17:43 As the father of three adult daughters...i've found THIS out for sure. If all father's Had their wishes come true for daughters..the race would soon die out, as no male on earth would ever be worthy. **** No, if all father's had their wishes come true for daughters the race would definitely not die out. Remember the Persian adage: "Happy is the man who gets a child on his own daughter." **** I once knew a kid who grew up speaking German, Polish, English and Arabic. He was fully fluent in all four languages. And he was about the most immature, stupid person I ever tried to deal with. Learning a foreign language isn't a panacea. A language is a tool. If you don't need it, why bother? It can be very enriching to read literature in another language. It can also be very enriching to learn to play the bassoon. You gotta pick and choose. The longer work week and absence of leisure time in the USA make it less reasonable for many people to do the work necessary to master another language, at least beyond what is needed to talk to your maid and the guy who mows the lawn.
From: chinnuts
[Got Three For Ya]
Date: 8-Oct-2007 15:17
I once knew a kid who grew up speaking German, Polish, English and Arabic. He was fully fluent in all four languages. And he was about the most immature, stupid person I ever tried to deal with. ----------------------------- Book smart - Street stupid.
Updated: 12-Oct-2007 14:47
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