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Arm Gone
Detroit Free Press | Submitted by: anonymous
"A Romulus man whose wife mysteriously lost an arm early Sunday has been arrested and is expected to be arraigned today on several charges, including drunken driving causing serious injury, police said Wednesday."
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From: fluffnuts [Me]
Date: 6-Jul-2006 17:05
Tempted as I am to crack such puns as "He got disarmed by the booze" or "forewarned is four-armed" - I'll resist :P BTW, first time I've ever been first :P
From: csi [can't stand idiots]
Date: 6-Jul-2006 18:20
but she got a tank of mid-grade gas
From: wolfmoosepigchicken [wolfmoosepigchicken]
Date: 6-Jul-2006 19:01
Dramatic Re-enactment: CRASH! Oh my god--my arm got torn off in the crash! OH NO--I'm gonna get a DUI!!! No worries, Honey, we'll just make up a story. Let's practice it on the way to the zzzzzzzzz (passes out from pain) Good plan! Let's throw this puppy back in gear!
From: julezeebub [jules]
Date: 6-Jul-2006 19:22
From: gargoyle1 Date: 6-Jul-2006 18:20 Dumb cops, she lost it trying to dig the cat out of the wood chipper. Seems obvious, doesn't it?
From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town]
Date: 6-Jul-2006 19:50
"When the two were interviewed separately, their stories didn't match, Malone said. Police said Stephen Humphrey could be facing domestic violence charges as well." Stand by your man.
From: tiredoflurking
[Sean]
Date: 6-Jul-2006 20:29
</From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town]
Date: 6-Jul-2006 19:50
"When the two were interviewed separately, their stories didn't match, Malone said. Police said Stephen Humphrey could be facing domestic violence charges as well."
Stand by your man.
-------------------------------------- At least until you suddenly mysteriously find yourself missing a LEG as well.
From: jenasaurusx
[Awesome!]
Date: 6-Jul-2006 21:31
From: scarfface [Schmutamongus] Date: 6-Jul-2006 18:55 ...beat me to it, ianfer. Damn you. ********* Well, I'm not going to let it stop me... That's what the bitch gets for marrying a Romulan! 
From: haalonbaalona [AKA MrsSumDumFuk]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 01:28
From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town] Date: 6-Jul-2006 19:50 "When the two were interviewed separately, their stories didn't match, Malone said. Police said Stephen Humphrey could be facing domestic violence charges as well." Stand by your man. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Publicly, Sumdum, and then kick his fucking ass behind closed doors. Now don't you have something way more productive to do than sit and read this worthless shit all evening?
From: ozymandias [King of Kings]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 03:26
Fluffnuts? Is that because you've got cotton balls, or you're 100% sterile, like it says on the box? Back to the story... damn Romulans, causing trouble again! Sic the Klingons after 'em. That'll fix their little red wagons.
From: larry
[larry]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 04:51
From: jenasaurusx [Awesome!] Date: 6-Jul-2006 21:31 From: scarfface [Schmutamongus] Date: 6-Jul-2006 18:55 ...beat me to it, ianfer. Damn you. ********* Well, I'm not going to let it stop me... That's what the bitch gets for marrying a Romulan! ------------------------------------------------------------------ u guys meen liek startrak? lol thats funy
From: atrybus [Draya]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 07:00
Will the United Federation of Planets dispatch a diplomatic team to Romulus? Clearly this incident may explode into a full-out interstellar war! 
From: tiredoflurking
[Sean]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 08:11
Damn, I wish I'd found and submitted this story. Normally I can't think of a title to save my life, but wouldn't "Police Investigate Possible Armed Robbery??" have been better than "Arm Gone"??
From: tiredoflurking
[Sean]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 08:27
jenasaurusx and scarfface, i'll see your Star Trek geekiness, and RAISE you some Star Trek uber-geekiness, by pointing out that since the man and his wife are residents of Romulus, it is more likely a treacherous rebellious Reman that stole her arm in a raid. she'd best be careful he doesn't come back for the other one, so he can hide them together and have a true armS cache. (Yes, I recycled my headline joke. Sue me!)
From: rhag6942 [Kewl Han Dluke]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 08:33
That is so funny.... just last week MY wife "mysteriously" lost an arm. Those limbs I tells ya, have a mind of their own.
From: rottenaugratin
[Rotten au Gratin]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 09:22
*Morning after* "Hey honey?" ~grunting from other side of bed~ "Um... I was wondering. Last night? Did you happen to notice what I did with my other arm?" ~vomiting sounds from other side of bed~ "Ok nevermind. We'll talk about it later. Sorry I woke you" ~snoring sounds~ [My version of how that conversation probably went]
From: tiredoflurking
[Sean]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 09:57
Maybe they were just REALLY big Monty Python fans who got a little too carried away re-enacting variations on some famous scenes: Think of Arthur chopping off limb after limb off the Black Knight in "the holy grail" Also think of the scene in "the meaning of life" where a british officer during south africa's zulu wars wakes up in bed to find a big hole in his mosquito net and one leg missing. At first they think it is just a virus, but later settle on a tiger as the probable culprit: Pakenham-Walsh A tiger in Africa ...? Ainsworth Ah ... well it's probably escaped from a zoo.
From: mike2039 [mike]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 14:10
From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town] Date: 6-Jul-2006 19:50 "When the two were interviewed separately, their stories didn't match, Malone said. Police said Stephen Humphrey could be facing domestic violence charges as well." Stand by your man. This probably didn't involve domestic violence. I would guess that they went out together, got drunk and got into an accident.
From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 15:37
From: ozymandias [King of Kings] Date: 7-Jul-2006 03:26 Fluffnuts? Is that because you've got cotton balls, or you're 100% sterile, like it says on the box? Back to the story... damn Romulans, causing trouble again! Sic the Klingons after 'em. That'll fix their little red wagons. ---------------------------------------------------------- You have to be especially careful of the Klingons from Uranus.
From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 15:42
From: haalonbaalona [AKA MrsSumDumFuk] Date: 7-Jul-2006 01:28 From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town] Date: 6-Jul-2006 19:50 "When the two were interviewed separately, their stories didn't match, Malone said. Police said Stephen Humphrey could be facing domestic violence charges as well." Stand by your man. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Publicly, Sumdum, and then kick his fucking ass behind closed doors. Now don't you have something way more productive to do than sit and read this worthless shit all evening? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ No. No, I don't. Uhh, does my wife know about you?
From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 15:46
From: tiredoflurking [Sean] Date: 6-Jul-2006 20:29 </From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town] Date: 6-Jul-2006 19:50 "When the two were interviewed separately, their stories didn't match, Malone said. Police said Stephen Humphrey could be facing domestic violence charges as well." Stand by your man. -------------------------------------- At least until you suddenly mysteriously find yourself missing a LEG as well. ----------------------------------------- Then she'd have to change her name to Eileen Sideways.
From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 15:50
From: mike2039 [mike] Date: 7-Jul-2006 14:10 From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town] Date: 6-Jul-2006 19:50 "When the two were interviewed separately, their stories didn't match, Malone said. Police said Stephen Humphrey could be facing domestic violence charges as well." Stand by your man. This probably didn't involve domestic violence. I would guess that they went out together, got drunk and got into an accident. -------------------------------------------------------- Whatever happened, this is weird as hell. And it does sound like she's covering for something. What and why, who knows? But yeah, some kind of accident seems most likely.
From: haalonbaalona [AKA MrsSumDumFuk]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 16:46
From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town] Date: 7-Jul-2006 15:42 From: haalonbaalona [AKA MrsSumDumFuk] Date: 7-Jul-2006 01:28 From: sumdumfuk [Mr. Dick Gozinya, man about town] Date: 6-Jul-2006 19:50 "When the two were interviewed separately, their stories didn't match, Malone said. Police said Stephen Humphrey could be facing domestic violence charges as well." Stand by your man. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Publicly, Sumdum, and then kick his fucking ass behind closed doors. Now don't you have something way more productive to do than sit and read this worthless shit all evening? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ No. No, I don't. Uhh, does my wife know about you? ------------------------------------------------------------------ Quit your posing, SumDum or I'll tell everyone how you rub my butt every night. "Rub my tooshie, Al." lol
From: seeteufel [ciccio]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 17:51
His bright blue eyes stared at her with his disarming smile and her body melted into a pool of ecstasy.
From: dirtylittlegirl [Rori]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 18:10
has anyone seen my arm? i left it right here...
From: ikthool
[ikthool]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 19:40
Brenda Humphrey was listed in fair condition Wednesday at the hospital. Yeah trying selling in a one armed chick on ebay as "fair condition",I bet you get some shitty feedback.
From: tarzansdaddy [Dazzeling TD]
Date: 7-Jul-2006 20:51
All I have to say is wdf Now this will make it hard on women because now Guys will be like Hey she lost her arm literally and would not squeal on her man so look B*tch what you crying about cause i gave you a black eye and knock 3 teeth out. And at insult to injury what kinda counseling do they get because hoestly I have been to those bullSh*t anger classes i mean this guy will be a clebrity
From: pimple [on the ass of life]
Date: 8-Jul-2006 17:06
Spock can kick his ass with NO arms. live long & prosper, dudes. Kirk out!
Updated: 15-Jul-2006 15:00
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