before I was cracker,
oddser5050 [does the pass set up the run or does the run set up the pass?]

Member Since: Saturday, August 13 2005
Comments: 239

oddser5050@yahoo.com










http://cuppycake.ytmnd.com/

MV?
Deep comment from merrillvillain,
Thoughts on the female condition:

I can almost smell the animosity and estrogen
boiling -- It smells like a combination of
Bed Bath & Beyond and apple cider vinegar
-----------------------------
On dating:

To this day I can still remember the first
time I had "relations" with my second cousin

We shared a KFC Buffalo snacker outside her
trailer in Newcastle,Indiana

At first it was awkward -- but as soon as I
done seen the sauce dripping down her cleft
pallet I knew I wasnt going to let this one get
away
Sure the vinegar based sauce burnt my canker
sores at first -- but then I remembered what my
daddy told me
Love hurts -- to this day I have no regrets
about pursuing true love
-----------------------------------

When he found out that I was giving up my beloved java for a while:

How are you doing? I just drank 14 gallons of coffee
brewed with jolt cola and mainlined 3 grams of meth

I am also chain smoking camel non-filters while
chewing wintergreen skoal bandits

I can taste the color purple and my teeth itch
to the point that the helicopters being piloted
by monkey/human hybrids cloned by Russian scientists
do not bother me.
I am so focused right now I am training silverfish
to mine gold and gold fish to mine aluminium ore.
---------------------------------------------------------
Rules to live by:
There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.
---------------------------------------------
Bar fight?:
If I did not lose my tear ducts in a knife fight in Brazil
against a Caphuchin monkey I might shed a single,solitary
tear of hopelessness for the children.
------------------------------------
on Koalas:
A koala is a marsupial -- not a bear.
Word on the street is they taste like
a three-toed sloth.
I have a permit pending with my local
Department of Natural Resources to legally
purchase a three-toed sloth. Odds are it will be denied.
That is ok however because if do get one I am
going to eat it after a year of verbally abusing it.
Sad sloths are tender sloths -- I read it on the internet.
I was going to name it Enrique also.
Its all up to Jesus at this point.
--------------------------------------
pranks:
My favorite "prank" of time was back in 1999 AD.
I picked up a hooker in Chicago and smashed her skull with
a ball-peen hammer I bought at Home Depot. After I buried
her downstate I tried to defile her corpse, but became
misguided in part to the large amounts of demerol in my system
and a slight case of bilary spasms.
It turns out I forgot where she was buried at.
Here comes the funny part: She was pregnant and I still
have a lock of her hair.

It smells like whore and Pantene.
----------------------------------
Treatment of woman and child:
Once the soft spot stops throbbing it is perfectly
acceptable to hit babys,infants,toddlers,pre-teens and
even the new term "tweens". Women and children are property and should be treated as such.
Anyone who disagrees with me is clinically insane
and has a faulty way of thinking.
Just make sure my Lipton packet of brocolli & cheese
is creamy and my pork chops are not burnt. If you can do
that, there will be no problems.
Simple as that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: merrillvillain [yeah ........ that merrillville]
Date: 13-Dec-2007 19:53

I quit my job and started follwing Barry Manilow around
a'la the Grateful Dead. Instead of selling mushrooms however
I sell transdermal patches that reduce hot flashes.

I have been making a killing selling Healthy Choice
TV dinners and Diet Dr. Pepper.

Also I recently taken up falconry as a hobby.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If anyone is having trouble sleeping I have
a suggestion : A bottle of Old Grandad and the warm
embrace of a arthritic prostitute. The natural formation
of her lobster-like hands always sends me to a peaceful slumber.

Regular excercise and a well balanced diet also works.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Date: 13-May-2008 18:35
Speaking of dreams I had one yesterday where I was driving
in a tornado and someone was shooting at me for some odd reason.
It ended with me having sex with a flat-chested Albanian Nationalist
that kept biting my lip. I may not be a expert on the sub-conscious mind
but I think it means I should buy a lottery ticket.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The word elaborate was first used by malignant Malaysians
in the 15th century by hostile Turkish Muslims. Over time
and the result of a nomadic/hunter-gatherer lifestyle it eventually
became a word that only is used in a academic setting.
I clicked on a pop-up ad from Phoenix University and will
be studying for my Bachelors Degree this Spring. I paid good
money for it, I think it will be best if I submerse myself
into academia ASAP.

Stop being so pedantic.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My computer is making a weird whistling noise.
Usually it would not bother me but the frequency
is dialed into my cortex and is repeating a message
involving a recently deceased prostitute and
a canned ham.
I cant make the connection at this point.
Hopefully it involves ham.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: merrillvillain [yeah ........ that merrillville]
Date: 23-Jul-2008 15:34

if you are ever in a hotel room
and need to "let off some steam" fill the ice bucket up and place your hand in it until it goes numb.

Proceed to masturbate while imagining a Inuit prostitute giving
you a handjob.

This is known as Plan B when picking up a homely waitress
at Denny's just doesn't cut it.

Have a nice day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: merrillvillain [yeah ........ that merrillville]
Date: 20-Mar-2009 16:09

I like the "inspirational" commercial
where a high-school class votes a girl with
downs syndrome as the prom queen.

When I first saw that commercial I thought:

"I bet that retard can suck a mean cock"

And then I made some spaghetti.
~~~~~~~~~
From: merrillvillain [yeah ........ that merrillville]
Date: 5-Apr-2009 10:16

A few weeks ago I had a middle-aged lady
bitching to me at a bar about the wages
people in the trades make. She was some type of lawyer
and was complaining that I make more money than her.

I attempted to explain to her that wealth is not a number
and money is merely a tool. Her argument was she had more
schooling and she still owed money to her student loans.
I bought her a bottle of cheap champagne and casually
asked for a handjob. A hour later she tried to slap
me because I was right and she was a tramp. Me and some
pipefitters had a good story to tell on Monday coffee.

I was going somewhere with this ..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the subject was about the current pandemic

From: merrillvillain [yeah ........ that merrillville]
Date: 25-Apr-2009 15:01

Back in 85' I had a Huey Lewis & the News
song stuck in my head for two weeks.

It was horrible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Andrewthegeek biography

SANDY, PT.I the early years

Andrew Woods was born with a hair lip in a barn just down the road from Abergavenny Wales U.K. His mother nursed him until the day he went to school. It was quite the shock to be literally ripped from his mothers bosom and made to socialize with the other children in the school. He never got over it , his class mates noticed that he was always "different" noting that he always spent playtime molding his feces into little animals that he would rub on the front of his pants thus soiling them along with his hands, thus the moniker shit hand sandy . Later it was shit hand sandy 71because he did it 71 times during one grading period!

Being cruel as school kids will be, Andrew was bullied and beat up frequently when he didn't have feces on his hands, which might account for the reason he kept poop hands. But even that didn't help after a while, because the other kids started shooting him in the neck using rubber bands and paper clips. Thus was the glum beginnings of Andrew Sandy Woods.


Well, we left the story with sandy in elementary school being shot in the back of the neck with paperclips, which was the reason for the pox marks, not acne like so many assumed. As he became a teen he was experimenting with the gay lifestyle , but the more confidant he became the desire to integrate scat into the lovemaking. As bizarre as the gay community is that was just over the line . The comments coming out of the gay community like, He is an abomination against nature and That's just wrong. also "EWWW"

[image:maxfister-dungeon.com]

PT.II the teen years

After that Sandy spent his teen years in the barn behind the house because his parents could no longer tolerate the stench of shit in the house anymore. But it suited sandy just fine - that is where he met his first girlfriend, lovely wooly-haired girlfriend Gemma (a sheep).

[image:ns.ca]

Sandy will always remember Gemma - not only was she his first girlfriend, she had the greatest-smelling shit. At a pivotal moment in his life, for his 17th birthday, sandy got his first camera. His life-long passion for taking pictures of all things shitty was born. Unfortunately, soon after his birthday, Gemma ran off with the neighbor's sheep. Sandy became so depressed. He was anxious to replace Gemma
[image:mlcsmith.com]

But it just wasn't the same, he couldn't even leave the barn to get fresh hay. Feces soon piled up. That is when another milestone in Sandy?s life occurred - his first adult diaper. Sandy, was depressed up until his 18th birthday. It was finally legal for sandy to drink, so that night he went to the local pub and got blotto, The next morning sandy woke up in a strange barn, where found himself curled up to the second love of his life, a sheep named Margaret.
The morning after his 18th birthday, sandy had woke up in a strange barn curled up enclosed in Margaret's 4 legs. He felt awkward. It had been his first one-night "barn-stall" stand. He'd retreated hastily from Margaret's barn to his own. During Sandy?s walk of shame home, it initially distressed him to see that his favorite "Elton John" T-shirt he'd worn the night before was somehow replaced by a "George Michael" T-shirt. But sandy reasoned with himself, "George Michael is somewhat younger than Elton John, a little bit better-looking. At least it is not a "Boy George" T-shirt! ". Sandy felt better, especially as he came upon the realization he, Andrew Woods, was now 18. An adult. He can get blotto whenever he wants. Sandy decided that it was time to move out his parents' barn..

The adult years PT III (too late to change now!)

The first thing he decided to do was get a job, because as he liked to say ?sheep don?t come cheep!? He was torn between being a wastewater treatment operator (all that poo poo ) and an "lectricion," beings the lectrician made more money so that was the ticket! So he went to trade school to become a lectricion.

[image:photobucket.com]

It was a real challenge and he wasn't quite up to it and failed the final test! But as fortune would have it The teacher was also into scatt and Andrew was able to pass by doing "extra credit"

[image:crazyshit.com]

Sandy was ridding high armed with a lectrician degree he was making upwards of 60£ per week, more when overtime was available! So as was his plan he put a down payment on a spacious barn.

[image:newfarm.org]

He was thinking that he could have more than one bride.
[image:gcrphoto.com]


He figured that with the big bucks he was making he could have an additional bride 3 or 4 times a year. Hot damn, this is the life!
Sandy was living large, he had a "new" spacious barn, And though he often thought of Gemma and Margaret but he knew that you can never go back besides he had his eyes on a new conquest name Brunhild.

[image:photobucket.com]

But sheep don't come cheep so back to work.

stay tuned for the furry years!!